Chances Are… You’re a Side Chick

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Urban Dictionary.com defines a “Side Chick” as

sidechick
the other woman; also known as the mistress; a female that is neither a male’s wifeor girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship
Kimmy: Look at Tina and Josh…are they going out?
Sally: No Kimmy! Josh is datingLaura. Tina is just his sidechick.
#side dish#mistress#side girl#home wrecker#affair 
From reading the above, TWO words stood out to me in two mini sentences. ( if that makes sense)
“neither wife” . “neither girlfriend”
The main idea behind being a side chick baffles me. I guess I just can’t, or should I say couldn’t fathom how any girl could willingly entertain a man SHE knows is taken.
I told myself for years I would never allow any man to play me for a fool, never take second place because I knew my worth and knew I was a main chick or nothing.
I never had issues getting guys so I thought I would never had to be put in a situation where I am a “side chick”.
I’m a selfish person when it comes to what’s “mine” or who I want. I don’t like to share my significant other with anyone at any time unless it’s me sharing their time and energy with the kids we would make together.
Other than the above I never considered myself “side chick” material bad talked girls I knew who proudly played their side chick position to a T.
Like I have referenced in many posts, I am always so quick to judge someone before I myself end up in that same predicament.
A little while ago, ( date, year and time will remain undisclosed) I found myself a predicament that I had no business in.
*Slowly Airs Out My Dirty Laundry*
It’s always the person, thing or places we say we never want to go too or be around that we always end up mixed up in and with.
At one point in my life I was a PROUD side-chick. <- may  be over-exaggerating just a bit.
Imagine that eh! ( typical Canadian Slang) I Alicia Sarah Harper, who grew up in a good Christian home was a side chick.
So here’s the 4-1-1  with LIMITED details.
” So there was this guy, who I liked, had feelings for him and all that Jazz. Only issue was… he had a Girlfriend.. and I knew about her too. I don’t remember how long they were dating but I can assure you she was all over his IG and visa versa. Being the persistent female I am I refused to accept that chance that he had found someone else, when I had liked him for a HOT minute. In my mind she wasn’t prettier than me and I knew him longer So my inner savage didn’t care If I was potentially breaking up a “happy” home. I swear he was like a drug, a needle I was sharing with another junkie passing him back and forth too high, unaware that he was being shared. I played my part, to the outside world we had no communication, but our conversations said otherwise. There were days that I would want to see him and I couldn’t because he was with her. Times when I wanted to pop by his house but she was there, and I was far from messy and did not want any drama so I would stay home. I allowed him to play me, shoot I allowed him to play her too.
DUMB.
I wanted to tell my friends about him, but I knew how dumb I would look If they knew I was messing around with a fully relational man. “
I was once that girl that thought It would be “cool” to take a man from a girl. I was that girl who cared only about her own feelings and could care less if someone else got hurt, as long as I was happy.
I believe in Karma and I believe that whatever you reap is what you’re going to sew. The emotional distress I sewed I reaped In the end. The promises of ” Im going to leave her for you, just give me time, I don’t want to hurt her” Plagued my mind and gave me hope for then EMPTY promises.
Promises I didn’t deserve because I was becoming a woman scorned. A person I told myself was unlike my character and against my beliefs.
It so sad to see the measures that we as women are willing to take to hold on to a man. I guess because there are like 10 women per man we feel like we have to do the MOST just to sustain our position in his life.
A wise wise woman once told me that whats meant for ME would always be for ME and that I wouldn’t have to fight, cuss, “skin out” or go against what I believe and feel just to keep what God destined for my life. Sometimes I find we overcompensate in hopes that in the end we come out on top, HBIC.. or whatever that Abbreviation is.

 

It’s sickening that we live In a world that praises side-chicks and has walks, Social Media pages and appreciation for woman who NEVER get the main title. I mean getting his love and affection is good and dandy and all that until he has to go back home to the woman who claims him as her own.

“Why be the yellow starburst when you can be the pink one”

It makes no sense settling for 2nd best if you know for yourself you deserve nothing but the best. The realization of who I was and what I was worth and helped me to remove myself from a situation that was bound to end up with me being emotionally destroyed and hurt. I am not knocking Side Chicks If there’s an agreement that’s set up and it works for both parties then do you boo boo.

I just know from personal experience that it NEVER ends well.

If you know you’re a Filet Mignon why accept Ground Beef Treatment?

Temporarily it may feel good, there may be “perks” and you may even think in the end you will win but why take the chance of a “What If” or a “Maybe”.

Disclaimer/SideNote/Moment Of Truth: Its situations like these that have motivated me to write a book, I guess I’ve felt led to share my life lessons and experiences with everyone, If my mistakes can help others not make the same then that would mean the most. <- Stay Tuned Coming 2018.

Why be the girl that only gets
  • Dates after 8
  • No Public Affection
  • Label-less relationships
  • “No Pictures Please” responses
  •  Never get to meet the Family

 

If any of the above Happen to be your current situation..

Chances Are, You’re a Side Chick.

I HATE Social Media

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Yes.

I will be the First to Admit It

I HATE SOCIAL MEDIA.

I hate Facebook, I hate Twitter, Turned off By SnapChat and Loathe Instagram.

I hate how consumed and dependant we are on social media.

I hate that I wake up in the morning, and before I thank my creator for life I click to check my Instagram newsfeed to see how many likes my recent picture got.

I hate that I care about peoples opinions of me on Social Media, and that If my followers list doesn’t exceed a certain amount I feel like people don’t like me and thats probably why thy refuse to follow me.

I hate that I want the world to think Im perfect, not perfect perfect but flawless almost.

I hate that I only want people to see me at my best, when my outfits look a certain way, or my hair is laid.

I hate that I feel that If my pictures lack a certain amount of sex appeal people will think I am boring , dull or basic.

I hate that I see people living a certain lifestyle and it makes me feel like I’m not good enough or even that I am not working as hard as I should be.

I see people living what seems to be these perfect lives filled with designer clothes, shoes and luxury cars and often question how far am I willing to go to get the life I see others live.

I hate that I cut my hair, and even though it was my own decision and is something I try to deal with everyday, I hate that seeing woman around me with longer hair makes me feel unsure and insecure about what I don’t have.

I hate when people draw attention to my relationship status or try to make me feel as if I am incomplete or “diseased” because I don’t have a significant other.

I hate Instagram Filters, and how they can make or break my pictures drawing attention to some flaws and highlighting some problem areas.

I hate the pressure I feel to make it.

I hate that some days im proud of my complexion and other days Im not

I hate that social media makes me feel that I’m too dark too be “light skinned” but not dark enough to be dark skinned.

I hate that some days I am made to feel that having natural hair is a blessing, but then other days it’s a curse

I hate the pressures social media puts on me to “filter” my face with apps that hide my scars and blemishes, because if people see the real me… they may not “LIKE” me.

 

Hate that more people believe in me than I do myself.

I hate that my desire to make it is so strong that It makes me cry when life doesn’t go my way.

I hate the memories that linger on Facebook, The pictures of ex lovers and Long long friends.

I hate being reminded of my past by posts from 2,3,4 or 5 years ago .

 

I hate that I can’t be where I want to be because of financial obligations and travel restraints.

I hate that fact that in the midst of it all , between hating and juggling 4 Instagram pages , a YouTube channel and Facebook account that I still let social media “run” my life .

I hate that we have become so brainwashed as a society by social media that woman and men are looking up to ” Instagram “celebrities who elude a certain lifestyle that is 100% fake and all done for the “Gram”.

I hate that we’re out here spending our hard earned money on clothes and shoes to impress people we never met and don’t know .

“DO IT FOR THE GRAM”

 

I miss the days when life was simple .

The days when it didn’t matter if you had 1000 followers or 0.

I miss the days when I didn’t care about what other people thought or didn’t think about who I was .

I miss the days when my taste of luxury came from reading Gossip Girl books, but still I remained humble and appreciative of what I had .

I miss my childhood , days when I had imagination and creativity shooting through me.

This isn’t a post to ask for attention ,

give off a bitter impression

Or show signs of regression.

I guess you could call this a transparent moment . A rant even.

So forgive me if I come across abrasive , condemnatory, despondent or annoying…

 

I can’t help it .

I hate social media .

But I need It.

I need my Snapchat to vent, my Instagram to advertise and my Facebook to talk to my family across the world.

Ugh, I hate social media.

But I love it .

Looks With Lici: Summatime Edition

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As a Food Faith and Fashion Blog I realized I've spent most of my posts on things to do with food and my faith and even personal experiences and have neglected s the fashion component of my blog.

Last weekend I shot with who I believe to be one of Toronto's top 10 best photographers Emmanuel also known as @1000amps_ 

Emmanuel has been one of my newest go to photographers because I feel he captures the essence of what I am trying to portray at any and every shoot that I do with him. Last week I went for a more casual but fashionable look with my 3 outfit changes that I did during our 2.5 hour shoot. I feel like a lot of people see me as overly conservative, someone whose outfit choices are predictable.

As much as my inner Beyonce wanted to do a swimsuit or Lingerie shoot and show the world whats being hidden underneath all these clothes.. My Inner Mother Teresa had to kick in and tell me to relax myself.

The Theme for my Shoot was "Looks With Lici: Summa-Time Edition", It was a chance for me to showcase some of the clothes that have been collecting cobwebs in my closet all while finding an excuse to get my makeup and hair done.

Special Shout-Outs to Shanna my amazing makeup Artist for the Slay

You can find her work on her Instagram page here

 

For this shoot I wore 3 different ensembles that highlighted three different styles that I try and re-create.

My first Look was a more daring " I wannabeRiRiButImNotAboutThatLife" Look

outfit12

I wanted to look edgy but at the same time still give off the illusion of class.

outfit11

I paired a Rocker Tee with a over sized Denim Coat Stolen from my Moms Closet and a Caged Corset Belt. Trying to add a little "class" to my ensemble I threw on a pair of Cinderella "Glass" Slipper pumps. Because I am all about branding and promoting my own brand, I had to slip on my SbySim Shades  to complete the look.

Shirt/Dress: ASOS

Jeans Jacket: Moms Closet 

Corset Belt: @Kannbutik

Heels: CAPE ROBBIN

Glasses: @SBYSIMM

My Second Look was more "Conservative"  in my opinion. My Go to clothing pieces are always higher waisted body-con skirts, as they hide my mini pudge and give the illusion of my waist being slimmer than it is. My mom recently picked up a super cheap Black Skirt over the last few days which happened to fit me like a glove.

YESSS MOM!

Pairing it with super old but super cute denim and leather bustier I slipped into some old Thick heeled pumps and called it a day.

OUTFIT23

If you guys knew how old that bralette top was, It used to match the cutest Denim/Leather Skirt.

R.I.P.

OUTFIT22

 

OUTFIT21

Top: ASOS

Skirt: GUESS

Heels: ALDO SHOES

Sunnies: MY MOMS CLOSET

 

Rapping the shoot up, we decided to switch locations and drive somewhere a bit more accommodating for the look I was going for with outfit number 3. In Mississauga there happened to be a Latin Festival going on by the Living Arts Center where I wanted to take the last of my pictures.

Being the natural comedian that I am I made it a must to take some pictures that looked Latin inspired to enhance my Ruby Red outfit. By this time I was dying of heat stroke, my makeup was "oxidizing" and my hair was blowing with the wind… and not in a good way.

Because of the clothes and shoes I had congregating in the front of the jeep I couldn't even plug my curling wand in to give myself a touch up.

OUTFIT32

No one could tell me I wasn't channeling my inner Mamacita when I was taking my pictures. I was having too much fun if you ask me.

The most exciting thing Is finding certain pieces for cheap prices  especially when you're working with a budget, which is what I try to do weekly when I am shopping for myself. I'm not Rich and I don't care to fake the funk.. I like sales, I like deals and there are certain stuff I WILL NOT spend money on.

I bought this skirt online a few weeks back and found the perfect red top to match with it ( in my mom's closet). Knowing that just like half the clothes that I buy and never wear, I had to get a wear or two out of this one before I retired it to my closet.

OUTFIT33

Top: MOMS CLOSET

Skirt: PRETTY LITTLE THINGS

Heels: ZARA 

I pride myself In explaining that you don't have to spend thousands of dollars to look good and each of my ensembles is a prime example of this. I love to shop, I love to look good but I won't spend hundreds of dollars on one piece knowing I can get 5-6 pieces that can achieve a look that gives off the impression that it was costly when it was under 500$.

Who doesn't like to get the Look For Less?

OUTFIT31

OUTFIT24outfit13

 

 

Thick Chicks are In Now???

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One of the most ANNOYING feelings is being judged based on something you have NO control over.

Having a certain body type can be a blessing but also a curse. It sucks that something thats in most cases is  genetics and uncontrollable can be such a controversial issue and a “hinderance”.

Growing up,my body fluctuated ALL THE TIME.

When I first started “sprouting” or should I say before my body became what it is today I was that TALL Slim Girl. The one In the class pictures who stood in the middle, the one who all the boys made fun of or were afraid to talk too because I was either their height or taller.

I have always had an internal battle with my height and weight. I was always either feeling that I was too slim or at one point even getting too big. Being tall and “fat” was not attractive to me and I didn’t want others around me to view me how I viewed myself . My belly seemed to keep expanding yet my hips and boobs remained unmoved..

Figures.

Every woman has that one thing about herself that she feels less confident about ..it may not necessarily be something that she’s insecure about but more so something that she wish she could change or rearrange about herself.

I remember being in grade 8 and thinking that maybe I should stuff my bras because all my friends has boobs while I was stuck on sports and training bras.  I remember taking my grade 8 school picture and getting the proofs back only to see two sunflower seeds sticking out from my tan La senza Girl Shirt.  I knew I wasn’t ugly my hair was thankfully long and luscious then, but that meant nothing when all the guys around me found favour and amusement in the “developed” girls.

I couldn’t be more than 13 and was at church one Sunday Night, seated beside my sister and my friends someone imitated a then version of what we now know as “Smash or Pass”.

We were supposed to be paying attention to the service but being the hormonal kids we were, what was being preached was the last thing on our minds. I remember the guys rating my group of friends and I , my rating becoming significantly lower because of my last of breasts and filled out hips. I was insulted. I was angered at how shallow and blind these young boys were.

Did they not see my clothes and shoes?

Was my Mary J Blige flip out hair do not captivating enough?

Back then body image was viewed almost the same way it’s viewed now. The curvier more filled out females who have the perfect Hour Glass Shape get the most love.

Welp.
The Day Puberty hit me

it

HIT ME!

This once 00 bean stalk filled out in all the places I didn’t think I would. I never felt so beautiful in my life. The hips I had that were hidden finally decided to sprout, my behind filling out perfectly with it. I will never forget the day , Grade 11 summer going into grade 12, I guess God heard my internal cries because my hips and booty became POPPIN! This once strong bean got some bawdy hunty!

 

YESSUHHHH!

 The day my body filled out, the day that I was hoping and praying for became a blessing and a curse.

I HATE double standards. I hate when one thing is okay for someone and it’s not okay for someone else .

The day my body filled out was the day I got judged in so many ways.

“She’s having sex… look at her hips”

“The dress is nice but it draws too much attention to your hips”

“That outfit looks innapropriate because you have too much….”

Those were just SOME of the comments I got once my body filled in. The annoyance and double standard I faced for a body that I didn’t even think I would get.

I now speak for all the girls who like myself have a certain body type that they cant control. I speak for the girls with the 42 hips who deal with a constant struggle to slip into a pair of Zara and H&M jeans. One thing I hate is that we get the bad end of the stick, we have to deal with struggling to get our clothes to fit us the way we want them too and have to deal with in some cases attention we don’t want from people we don’t want the attention from just because of our body type.

Imagine me, 5’11 with 90% of my body fat being in my lower half, from the waist up looking like I am slimmer than I really am. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my body and am thankful everyday that I was blessed with what I have NATURALLLY .. But It often times becomes an issue not even to myself but to others around me who feel intimidated, annoyed or uncomfortable with what I have.

A girl can wear the same dress as me and have a smaller body type, the dress be GLUED onto her skin and its okay… but let me put that same dress on and it becomes and immediate issue.

DOUBLE STANDARDS!

The thing that angers me the most. If its not okay for me its not okay for anyone. Selfish? Maybe? But I have a valid point brewing.

Different men are turned on by different things. I have a friend whose boyfriend prefers breasts over booty and I know other guys who don’t care if their girl is an A cup or can only fit in sports bras they only care about the JUNK she’s carrying in her trunk.

With that being said for people to tell me that by me wearing certain stuff Its not appropriate ( obviously they’re females saying this) It makes me question if they know the minds of all men or if they are projecting their thoughts based on their own personal insecurities.

These same girls who will complain and nit pick about the things I wear and try to make me feel unsure and insecure about my body are the same girls who follow Dr. Miami on Snapchat saving their coins to get Brazilian Butt Lifts and S-curve surgeries.

THE IRONY

Other the years despite my intense weight fluctuation  I have grown to love my sometimes size 8 sometimes size 10 body regardless of the comments and snares of the irrelevant.

As I Jump to get into my Fashion Nova jeans semi bending my shellac and bio gel manicure In the process I stare at my booty in the mirror, smile flip my Brazilian 22 inch weave over my shoulders and say to myself

THICK CHICKS ARE IN NOW??

 

 

 

 

 

 

Operation Body TIGHT &RIGHT!: Journey To 150..5

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Next to my bank statement, my weight is the next thing that fluctuates the MOST in my life.

I remember in grade 9, being a double ZERO slim and trim with a head full of hair and  mouth bombarded with braces. Over the last 15 years I have gone from very slim to slim.. to getting a little meat on my bones to now being thick..

NOT Slim Thick.. THICK!.

178 pounds to be exact.

I know.. wow a female actually admitted her weight

SHOCKER!!!!!!!

You could imagine the horror I felt weighing myself having just been 155 pounds in 2016. Food somehow became my best friend, late night road gatherings my comfort.

How did this 5’11 girl go from 155 to almost 180 pounds?

I am an emotional eater, I have concluded that when I am happy..

I EAT!

The second I get sad or someone breaks my heart I cant even drink a cup of water properly.

Side Note: Maybe I need to be sad more often?

 The older you get the slower your metabolism is. I am 4 years from 30. I CANT afford to get fat now. I need my body to remain the way it is until I get married and have kids.

I’ve always had issues with my weight growing up , not like serious serious issues but enough issues to cause me to have moments of insecurity and uncertainty. There have been days when I was happy with the way my body was looking and then other days when I felt I had a little too much cushion for the pushing. 

Every summer I tell myself I am going to work on my “beach body” get my abs right , bum tight  and calves pronounced. Every summer I tell myself I’m about to go crazy in the gym , sweat up a storm and perfect my body to the level I know it should be at … 

….and every year I do nothing. 

June 12th 2017 

The day I started “Journey to 150” 

​​

Everyone has their personal feelings about personal trainers, some think they are the way to go others think they’re a waste of money.  When I reached out to a good friend about potentially training along with him at first I was scared, my body has always been a sensitive subject  and the thought of another man having to see all my imperfections ans flaws on a weekly basis caused me to be uneasy. 

I didn’t want anyone to know how much I weighed and how painful my weight gain was.  Being tall everyone assumes I can’t weigh more than a certain amount, laugh at me when I say I am on a diet and shake their head when I talk about the belly fat that I need to loose. 

Imagine being 5’11 and almost 200 pounds with a body type that harbours your fat in your hips, cheeks and belly. Having a family filled with “Big-Boned” woman doesn’t make it any easier on me. 

I promise you , even taking pictures of how I look now and seeing myself in the mirror I’m shocked at how I allowed myself to get to where I  am. In all 26 years of my life this has got to be the heaviest I have ever been … 

This journey is about to be painful, long and tiring but I’m excited for the results to come . 

Journey to 150.. I’m ready for you. 

Stay tuned for more updates, nutritional posts and videos of me attempting to workout 🙂 

Special shout outs to Nana from Road 2 Glory Fitness for helping me in my goal to achieve my ideal weight. 

Xoxo

Lici. 

S.E.X.

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People put you on a pedestal as soon as you get a little bit of “fame” or have more than a certain amount of followers on social media . Sometimes being “known” isn’t as good as it sounds, and having people know your life story and your business could potentially backfire . 

I can assure you growing up I was a nobody. I was a regular tall, loud but quiet, shy but outgoing girl who felt fortunate to have had the world handed to her from a young age.

I wanted

For nothing . 

I had two supportive parents who made my sister and I their number 1 priorities ensuring we went to a good school, had clothes and food .

I don’t recall growing up and envying anyone for anything thy had . I was that at peace with my life. 

Getting older and becoming more aware of my surroundings and the pressures of society especially as a young black I started to see things that I never saw before . 

I was always that kid that had a bit too much energy, a broad imagination and a tad too much attitude. I wanted what I wanted , I liked what I liked and I was so secure in my thoughts . Granted I was the giant of the class with braces I knew who I was and I knew my capabilities.

Or so I thought. 

Imagine at the age of 11 having someone tell you that you aren’t as precious and talented and unique as you felt you were. 

Imagine having your thoughts and dreams shattered and being labeled as a Troubled child by someone who was set in place to help educate and protect you. 

Mr. Morris .. that was his name . 

The man who made me feel incompetent .

 

“You will never amount up to anything” “anyone who ever told you that you would lied” 

Detentions. Suspensions. You name it. 

He made me feel like the many years of private school and the decision  made to make me skip a grade  was a mistake. 

They didn’t know what they were doing .. how could they if he said that I’m a bad girl.

I promise you I cried so much then, distraught and emotionally scared at the words of a teacher. 

He hated me.

He hated the potential he saw in me to be someone . 

He hated that I wasn’t a pushover , took no crap from anyone and didn’t allow people to “run” me. 

3 

That’s the number of times I got suspended between grade 6-8. 

Three. 

Believe me when I tell you I was NOT a bad child. I didn’t cuss off people. I did my homework and I was always on time for school. 

Misunderstood .

That’s it.

That’s what it had to have been. 

He couldn’t understand me . 

He wanted me to be a statistic. 

S. Surpassing 

Rejecting , renouncing and refusing to accept the words that were called upon my life. I wasn’t the troubled little girl that they made me out to be , I wasn’t confused, dangerous nor was I destructive. 

E.x. Expectations 

The mind set and ideals set up by society and those around me dictating what they thought I could and couldn’t do .

“They don’t want you to win” -DJ Khaled voice. 

 But I won anyways . 

They didn’t want me to graduate from High School.

But I did . 

They didn’t want me to get into university. 

But I did 

They didn’t want me to graduate  from   University. 

But I did

They thought it would end there .

They thought I would do nothing with my time. 

They didn’t want me to go back to school again.. 

But I did

They didn’t want me to graduate .. and with honours 

And I did

The mind sets of those around me were limited to what they thought they saw in me. They didn’t want to believe that I could be anything greater . 

At age 16 I finished high school.

Turning 17 only 2 months before my graduation. 

At age 23 I started my First business venture . 

By age 25 I had already had 2 business. 

If I had let the words and negativity of those around me get to me only GOD knows where I would be in my life right now. I decided to live by the acronym

 

S.E.X.

– Surpassing Expectation.. Rejecting the Negative Words called upon my life and EMBRACING the will and calling God placed on my life.

Remember I TOLD YOU.. Im going to make it big.

Live to S.E.X. <– puns intended. 

 

 

 

Fighting Temptations: My Road to Celibacy

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One of the hardest things to do is too stop doing something you’ve done . They said it takes 3 times to make something a habit.. or it is 3 months .. or was it 3 weeks.. 

we live in such a sexualized world .

It doesn’t matter what you look at or where you go sex is everywhere . 

From perfume advertisements to soda commercials.. sex sells .

BecAuse sex is everywhere directly and indirectly , saving yourself till marriage is so rare now . 

I remember growing up and rarely seeing any sexually dominated propaganda paraded. 

Even if there was any type of sexual messages they were so hidden that you would have to really read into stuff just to get the message. 

One thing about intimacy is that it’s addictive. Once you have sex at least once your body knows the feeling and almost like taking drugs you attempt to stop and your body caves in and you feel a sense of withdrawal. 
Everyone who decides to be sexually abstinent has their own personal reasons to accompany their drastic decision . 

I lost my virginity <- hate that word … at 19.. I think. Or maybe it was 18.. an age I didn’t anticipate to someone I had no intentions of giving it too ( no shade). He was my first REAL boyfriend . In my mind I was saving myself till marriage, sex being the farthest thing from my mind at the time. 

Yes, I did wonder , yes I did hope someone would “want” me but I was doing the GODLY thing. 
I didn’t wanna be a “fornicator” I didn’t want to let my parents down . I was so focused on finish up University and finding myself that when He came along I wasn’t ready for what having a REAL bf meant . 
I was playing house, doing the house wife duties things I thought were required to “keeping your man” . 

Having a special someone in your life really makes you think of things you wouldn’t have before . I was never pressured to have sex, never given an ultimatum or made to feel that if I didn’t do IT he would leave me .

“It just happened ” 

Literally . 
Soon my mind became consumed with thoughts surrounding sex.

I wondered if u sucked at it , I wondered if he would be the one and only guy I ever did anything with.. or If one day we would break up and I would find another . 

I finally got what all the fuss was about , I finally realized why so many girls and guys were sleeping around. 
Sex wasn’t too bad at all. 
It felt good .BUT the guilt burned inside of me everyday . Every time I even thought about it I felt bad . 

I felt like I was letting my family down. 

I felt like I had broken my promise to God .

I felt dirty. 
Now. 

At 26.

Telling people I’ve chosen To be celibate causes the MOST uproars . It’s a conversation piece . They look at me

, they look under their eyes . They laugh. They tell me I’m lying then they say 

“Good Luck”
I’ve had guys write me off for my decision, people call me a liar even fake. 

Overly religious .. that’s the word.

For not wanting every tom DICK and harry to be inside my temple… 
I’ve realized my worth, realized how precious and rare of Gem I am . 

I don’t want to be something everyone has had. 

I want to be something everyone would want but have to work to have . 
In the Bible Jacob had to work YEARS for Rachel. Even though his intentions were to marry her and they were good ones he didn’t just get her just by asking for her . 
I told myself I didn’t do it right the first time but the next time around it would be to someone who I see as my forever. 

So call my a spinster, laugh at my decision to wait again.. 

Heck if reading this makes you not want to pursue me so be it .. 

I’m just fighting temptations. 

More than just my ASS-ets: woman in the workforce 

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more than just my ass-ets

Being a woman is challenging.

From having to comb my hair, BEAT my face with makeup, deal with unannounced acne, ensure my nails and clothes are “appropriate”, and then the hardest of them all..

Having my male counterparts take me serious.

Being a woman in a male centered world has its challenges. Subconsciously I feel that everything we do as human indirectly is done to appease or cater to our male counterparts. Regardless of our credentials, compared to the males who surround us in the workplace our talents and gifts often go unnoticed and ignored.

Side Note: I am so thankful for having parents who never made me feel that as a woman my place was at home in a mans kitchen, lying in his bed, or cleaning in his laundry room. As I got older they never stressed the importance of me settling down and becoming domesticated. Education and Educational Advancement were always important to them and for as long as I can remember they PUSHED my sister and I to be the BEST we could be, getting the best of educations both in our young years and later in University.

It doesn’t just end at being a woman, if that was the case my worries wouldn’t be so high. Other than the natural feminine ambiance that sprays out when I walk into a room, there’s also the issues of having your male colleagues take you serious despite your obvious ASS-ets. Its so hard to decipher if a guy is being nice because he is generally an overall nice guy, or if he is being nice because he wants to get a taste…

of what.. I will never know.

I have always been that girl who has wanted to do so much with her life, I  have wanted the big car, big house, own my own company.. the works. I have been in a few jobs and seen the preferential treatment that the guys around me got all while having less experience, mileage and knowledge compared to me. Have I commented?

No.

Have I complained?

No.

When I saw them getting raises and my pay didn’t budge.. Did I lash out?

NO.

It pains me that when I want to stand up and out for myself and speak my mind or express my thoughts I may be seen as a “Angry Woman”. If I do too much or go above and beyond I will be seen as a suck up.. someone who kisses the ASS-ets of my Boss to further myself in the company.

When a woman advances too fast = sleeping with her boss

When a woman speaks up for herself= Miserable

When a woman has a good idea and its used= NO credit is given

Because of our stature many woman are subjected to sexual jokes, hit on and viewed as sexual entities instead of equal parts to their male associates. I promised myself that no matter the job if ANY man I ever worked with made me feel a certain way about myself, my body or my credentials…. He would REGRET IT!

I WISH.. the hardships of being a woman ended with period cramps and bra shopping. Sometimes I wish I could act like a Boy

* Ques Ciara “Like A Boy”- Takes out dramatic moves and popping*

Graduating from York University in 2013 I was STRUGGLING to find a job. I saw so many people who were in my graduating class getting internships and  international jobs starting well above entry level pay. Guys who  skipped classes and slacked off ended up working for Environment Canada or other then environmental companies while I struggled to find something in my field on a whole. Not getting that “Government Job” actually ended up helping me more than it hurt me, and is one of the main reasons I have my companies now.

Running a business has taught me that a lot of people take you seriously when you give them reason too.

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Having a Vagina and Breasts should not be a CURSE.. But a GIFT. I should never feel that because I am a woman I will never get as far as I want to be. Because I am a woman I should never feel that my education will get me far BUT not far enough for me to make the 6-Figures my heart desires. I remember wanting to be a Real Estate Agent and having someone tell me that I may not be taken as serious as if I were a man. I remember people telling me on my self realization journey that woman are “too emotional, too caring and too weak” to work certain jobs that a man is better at.

Woman such as :

Madam C. J Walker- Americas FIRST BLACK Self-Made Millionaire

Diane Hendricks-Co-founder/ Chairman at ABC Supply

Oprah Winfrey- Actress, Philanthropist, Director, Producer

Doris Fisher- Co-founder of GAP

Toni Ko- Founder of NYX Cosmetics

Sarah Blakely- Founder of Spanx

Sheila Johnson- Co-Founder of BET

Peggy Cherng- Co-Founder of Panda Express

Jin Sook Chang- Co-Founder of XX1

Jessica Alba- Actress, Founder of The Honest Company

Sophia Amoruso- Nasty Gal

All Million and BILLIONAIRES, have surpassed the males they were surrounded by coming up with products and services that have revenues In the billions yearly. I have been reading books and blog posts aimed at helping me overcome the obvious gender biases I face and helping me to elevate myself to a place where my sex no longer affects my ideals on how I will be viewed and judged not just in the workplace but in general.

For Hundreds of Years Woman have been subjected to receptionists, Filing Clerk, Cleaners, Chef and any other job that entails them catering to others. What many fail to realize is that a lot of these same woman are nurses, marketing guru’s, psychology majors, PR practitioners and accountants by trade but have been subjected to working outside of their area of expertise because of the lack of job avaliability in their field.

So the next time my colleagues bump into me in the halls or at my desk, I hope they look past my obvious ASS-ets and see me as a strong educated and resourceful woman who has more to offer than what society has limited me too because of my gender.

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xoxo Lici

Ugly Truth: Males and Females CANT be Friends.

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Lets Agree To Disagree….

Guys and Girls Cant be friends..

I am sure there are at least 2 people reading this who are shaking their heads no, completely disagreeing with the statement at hand. They probably think Guys and Girls can be besties, having pajama parties, pouring out their hearts to one another and all that “Jazz” without any emotions involved.

False.

The topic of male female friendships is a very touchy subject. Throughout my 25 years on earth I have only had ONE Male friend that I know of that has not had any form of emotional feelings towards me on any level other than friendship. Now I am not saying there isn’t a girl and guy somewhere in the world who has a male friend whom they hold a platonic non sexual or emotional relationship with, I am merely saying I don’t agree that its as possible and “innocent” as we make it out to be.

Not to pick on men but the nature of most men is  sexual. Even if they don’t always show it there is a hidden itch inside most men’s minds that can often cause their minds to  wonder and stray. Friends or not if you find someone attractive .. then you find them attractive. There Is no way a guy can have a girl as a friend who has all the qualifications of what his ideal woman looks like and doesn’t ever think

A wise old man once said best friends make the best lovers, and this can be seen when two people branch off from being friends to dating.

And there is NOTHING wrong with that ^.

For Me, Alicia Sarah Harper, it becomes an issue when you find yourself being thinking “What If”.

What If we were more?

What if It worked?

What if I told him/her that I like them?

What if they don’t like me back?

What if it ruins our friendship?

Once questions start to populate your mind, for me that’s when its over. I have seen really good friendships ruined over emotions, people who have been friends for over 10 years have a lasting bond ruined because someone “caught feelings”. The worst thing is when you like someone and the feeling isn’t reciprocal.

I think that’s why I am so confused about the topic of Male/Female friendships or more so males and females being “Best Friends”. Someone is bound to catch feelings!

Imagine spending hours daily with the same person, pouring out your heart to the same person, having people break your heart and confiding in the same person, joking around playing with the same person, and to add more cherries onto the cake.. the person is attractive.. that’s when it has problematic potential.

If you give that “friend” the time of day, try to come on to them or jokingly profess your love to them I can promise you that there is a very high chance that they may feel some type of way or probably even start to fall for you.

This is Just My Opinion Though.. I would love to know what others think!

Shoot me your opinions!

xoxo.

Simplilici

Spring Cleaning: The Things I Had To Let Go Of.

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As spring approaches and the birds come out and  mate, flowers start to bud and the weather gets  a little bit better so many changes begin.

Not only is there a change with mother nature but changes begin in a lot of peoples lives as well.

Because of the cold nature of Winter, we as humans tend to clutter ourselves with layers of clothes and accessories to keep us warm . We cover ourselves with often times unnecessary clothing articles hoping to keep us warm and comfy. At times  we may even find comfort in things that we don’t need too.

Once Spring comes the layers of protection and warmth are no longer needed, yet sometimes, so attached we rather burn than let go of the things/clothes that we no longer require.

In Life just like when the weather changes we hold on to certain things that we need to let go of.

SPRING CLEANING

That’s what I call it. Sometimes we are so accustomed to certain things and people that they become almost like  cushion for us and even when we know its time to let go we are hesitant, attached and don’t want too release ourselves.

Spring comes and brings new beginnings.

If we think about the cycle of the weather and the circle of life *SIMBA ROAR* All the damage that the winter months brought are repaired and fixed when Spring comes.

Sometimes being comfortable holds us back from many opportunities and advances we could embark on. I have set so many goals for myself in the last 2 years and because of fear or contentment have not attained any of them.

I told myself I would have launched my clothing line fully, traveled to numerous countries around the world, opened up a bit to others around me and even maybe complete a set of literature reads, yet, haven’t gotten even close.

Someone once told me that too many humans live in a place called tomorrow land, pushing off all the things they could possibly do to another day and time.

Spring Cleaning

Forcing Myself to do all that I said I was and not pushing it all off to another day, month of year.

Letting go of all my baggage and picking up the pieces to my future one day at a time. With new life naturally comes new opportunities new experiences and new chances to start fresh. I have been so afraid to move on, so afraid to let go of certain things and people that I’ve kept myself comfy and complacent in my own filth and mess.

 

Spring Cleaning

Dropping off my winter coat that held my memories from …

Spring Cleaning

Removing my knitted hat that sheltered me from the realties around me I tried to ignore

Spring Cleaning

Slipping off my mitts and gloves that have covered my hands, stopping me from expressing myself through my words on paper.

Spring Cleaning

Taking off my scarf that guarded my heart from ever opening up again

I swear I feel the air in my nostrils already. The fresh warming renewing scent of Spring brings me so much hope.

Its a new season. Time to Clean.