Life is what we make IT? How we live our lives is ultimately up to us. Growing up I always dreamed of having this lavish life. I could recall on many occasions playing Barbie’s and playing dress up and making Kelly and Barbie and sometimes on a good day even Tommy live this extravagant life filled with champagne, cool parties and designer clothes. I recall moments when my sister and I would steal between one and four dollars from my dad’s coin chest and hop on our bikes speeding down the Mississauga streets making our way to the Sheridan Mall to splurge on Barbie Clothes, Dollarama gum balls and anything else we could get our little hands on. My Childhood was filled with fairy-tale moment, days that I had zero worries and constant guidance and protection from my parents. Growing up my parents did their best to ensure my sister and I had the best, we were never wanting of anything, never left hungry thirsty or unclothed. I thank them for that. I spent most of my adolescent years trying to find out who I was, where I wanted to go in my life and what steps I needed to take to get there. I felt like If I wore a “bra” I would be a woman, If I ignored my feelings people would like me more If I dressed a certain way guys wouldn’t only see me as the tall black girl in Ms. Kettles English class.I wanted to be seen and appreciated. Having long hair and nice clothes wasn’t enough for me, I wanted more. I was always the girl that stood out, I don’t know how or why but I did, I didn’t know if it was even a good thing.
High school couldn’t have come at a better time and with moving up a grade I got introduced to new things about myself that I was otherwise oblivious too. Boys started noticing things about me that I didn’t notice about myself, parts of my body started filling in, in places I had only prayed for. This 5 feet plus girl that was once a size zero was finally getting a shape. AMEN. New changes brought new attention, I mean what female doesn’t love attention, who doesn’t like people noticing things they didn’t before, who doesn’t love admirable and adoring compliments?
Years passed and new relationships were built, some long lasting, others temporary, each teaching their own unique life lessons.
In 2014 for the first time in my life I got my heart broken. . I got into a relationship, invested years hoping to create an ever after happily only to have my heart ripped out and shattered with years of memories and keepsakes packed up in my mental and physical storage. Yes. I know I said it backwards. I thought that love looking for me would be a sign, an affirmation that maybe this fairy-tale life I always dreamed of would actually come to pass. I can honestly say that one of the most painful things is when love turns sour and leaves an aftertaste that regardless of how much Listerine you gargle does not go away.
As I got older and reality started to kick in, my wounds started to mend and the shelter and protection of my parents faded away I slowly realized that the fantasies of my childhood were just that… Fantasies. Life slowly started to teach me that not everything I wanted I would get. One day I would have to get a real job, one day I would have to move out on my own, and one day I wouldn’t be daddy’s little girl anymore.
Perseverance Pushing and Pondering would put me in a place of no return, a frightful place filled with fear, uncertainty and confusion. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? My mind would wonder and before I knew it I would take on feelings and emotions that I didn’t want, need or desire. Life has a way SLAPPING you in the face and giving you a wake-up call that puts everything in perspective. Maturity taught me that anything I want I have to work for, experience taught me that broken hearts do mend all you need is time. Beyond my faults and imperfections Life has taught me that I am strong, I am skilled but not over qualified, I am a listener and a contributor, I am creative and friendly, I overanalyze but take constructive criticism, I am organized but not obsessive, I am bold and adaptable. I Am Alicia Sarah Harper.