I realize that for myself I do things spontaneously when I feel empty.
Cut my hair
Dye my hair
Start a blog
Start a VLOG
When I feel like something is missing or that I feel alone or scared I try to fill the emptyness inside of me by doing things deemed spontaneous to everyone around me .
When I launched my business ventures over the last few years they were always around times when I was going “through it”, times when I needed a distraction from the stresses of life and an escape route to happiness.
Each and every venture I’ve embarked on has been one to help me help myself . Unknowingly I have done different things to myself, and in my life in hopes of saving myself from myself .
Okay that may come across confusing so I will explain it.
At my weak moments, because I am human and do have moments where I feel weak and tired and frustrated, I do a variety of things to appease my feelings and assure myself that I will be okay .
I’ve done things I’ve regretted, made choices that I now look back on shake my head and wonder what on earth made me do something so stupid.
…Acted up on “worldly” desires, a pastor would say. Things that weren’t necessarily fulfilling to my mental capacity but fulfilling to my flesh and emotions.
I have played the fool.
I never realized that all this time that missing piece to my puzzle was in God.
My incompletion was a result of my lack of faith and commitment to him.
While I was so busy searching for what I thought I needed in every which direction I forgot to look up, to seek God and ask HIM to fill the void that I felt in my life.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.