A lot of people become very uncomfortable with the topic of love or sex or even relationships. Its almost like the elephant in the room that makes any potentially normal conversation awkward and almost silent. I guess it depends on your friendship group, maybe there are people who can freely express their sexuality and feel content and open about it. –>The ‘Sexually Liberated’…
“Ques- Lets Talk About Sex”
For me Love, Relationship and Sex has always been an area of discomfort and a ‘NO FLEX ZONE’ in my life. I have never really been open within myself and among others about my sexuality or how I feel about love as a whole.
I told myself when considering blogging that I would have to be open to letting parts of myself out that I have often held back. I have to be vulnerable as much as it pains me and let people see the real me. Its hard to expose yourself to such a broad audience and not receive negative backlash or criticism from onlookers and potential subscribers.
At age 19 I got into my first “real” relationship. I call it real because it was the first guy that I was ever officially dating, exclusively .Growing up as much as I had always liked boys, had boys like me, and wondered how it would feel to have a special someone… I never had a real boyfriend. I guess growing up in a ‘religious’ home kind of did that to you, the thoughts and comments associated with boys and hugging and kissing weren’t Always positive ones. Guys and Girls couldn’t even be left in the same room alone for too long without an assumption that someone did something together.
At age 19 I decided It was time to put my childish views on love aside and allow myself to be someones “girlfriend”, <- whatever that entailed.
I met a guy, a younger guy who happened to spark my interest and make me feel those gassy annoying bubbles in your belly that they associate with love, ya those ones. I don’t know if it was his boyish charm, or maybe it was because he was tall and played a sport.. but something about him drew me in and held me in for a few years.
He made me feel some type of way.
Thinking back now, generations have changed so much over the years it’s almost scary . When I was younger people weren’t getting into anything remotely serious unless they were 17 and up. Now a days I cross a lot is younger 13-15 year old who are already having sex with MULTIPLE partners, smoking, drinking and partying….
A Jamaican mom would say the remedy to make them “Seckel” down would be to ship them off to Jamaica.
Love is such a touchy subject . No puns intended. People always get emotional if a good and bad sense when the topic of love comes up .
The first time I said “I love you” I was 400% sure that I was in love.
I was determined that the feelings I felt, the emotions that blurred my mind and the words of affirmation and affection were love.
They had to be.
I think Girls will do dumb stuff for “love”. They will take certain things from their partner because they “love” them, accept abuse and neglect because they “love” them and even make excuses for their actions because of “love”.
Intimacy adds even more confusion when it comes to “love” and we often believe we are in love once we have become intimate with our significant other.
To me love isn’t really love until it has been tested. Once it has gone through something severe and conquered then to me that is when love is proven.
My relationship was your typical teenage roller-coaster. There were seagulls flocking all around waiting for something to drop so they could devour and intervene. I had girls hating me that I had never met in my life… over a guy. I had fake pages calling me out on social media..over a guy.
I wont lie, at first I was one of those bitter girls who took any and every opportunity to bad talk the guys who hurt them in the past. I was so hurt and so damaged that I didn’t even care what I said or how It made me look, I was hurt.
Love can make or break you.
One thing I can say is that I am thankful for every relationship that Ive encountered from age 19 until this very moment at age 25. The Men in my life made me stronger, I think. Dating helped me to get to understand men better and allowed me to get to the place I am in my life no, a place where I refuse to settle for second best.
To be Continued… Maybe
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