Finding Myself: The Journey to Natural Hair 


2017.

It is finally a new year and I am one year closer to 30.

*Insert Sarcastic Excitement*  Yaey

Every year I set goals and aspirations that I want to achieve before or by the end of the year. 

It’s either something to do with my businesses or potential business ventures or to do with my personal life.

This year my list isn’t that long and I wont bore you all with what I have planned BUT I will talk about a new “journey” I am starting or have started February 1st 2017.

For the majority of my life I have had permed or texturized  hair. From the day I was given the chance to perm my hair in grade 8 for my graduation I took the offer and relaxed my tresses hoping to tame my hair to look more “acceptable”.

All my friends around me had their hair “tamed” and I did NOT want to be the one left out…I loved the sleek look that having perm or texturizer gave, felt empowered almost inferior to finally be equal to my non black counterparts.

I wanted my hair like the Mixed Girls who could wear their hair curly one day and then wear it jet straight the next almost on demand. I didn’t want to have thick puffy hair, hair that got frizzy when humid and had turned into a unmanageable  ball when wet…

Side Note:I consider myself blessed to have good genes and to blessed with fast growing hair, because God knows the amount of stuff I have done to my head I should be BALD.

Feb.1.17

The day I will forever remember as the day I decided to ignore society’s standards of “beauty” being  defined by straight hair chemically processed hair and embrace my inner  NATURALISTA. 

I can admit this journey will NOT be easy and I am not yet ready to let go of my extensions but I will finally know how it feels to properly love, care for and properly nurture my “glory”.

 

TO CHECK OUT MY NATURAL HAIR VIDEO ON MY YOU TUBE CHANNEL CLICK HERE

 

Until next week.

xoxo

Lici

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Why Are You Single? 

The most common question asked to me each and every time a male or female approaches me and the conversation somehow goes towards love marriage and relationships.

Why are you single Alicia?

Now I know I have been talking about love and relationships a lot these days but I promise next month I will be giving you guys better topics.

The topic of my relationship status seems to be the MILLION DOLLAR Question at Family Functions, My Grandmas weekly check-ins from Jamaica and any friendship gathering. Everyone always seems to wonder …

WHY ARE YOU SINGLE ALICIA?

To answer questions, concerns of my sexual orientation and  thoughts of my potential transfer into the Nun clergy … Heres the 411

” I , Alicia Sarah Harper am single .. by CHOICE.”

I know that was NOT the answer many expected, some even probably wanted me to admit that I had some kind of issue that hindered me from potentially finding a man.. but that is not the case.

I always told myself that Dating wasn’t something to be entered into lightly. I have always believed that giving yourself to someone mentally, emotionally and physically should be done with someone special and should be something that is well thought out.

As we get older and as we mature we realize the things we once looked for in a potential significant other change. The desires I once had for that Tall, Thug Like Athlete who had a bit of attitude, the charm of Omarion meets LL Cool J and the swag of…( insert the most stylish guy you know)*COUGH COUGH* changed and I slowly start gravitating more towards attributes of substance. Don’t get me wrong I still admire the company of a man with a little Spizzaz to him but Ive come to realize that’s not what its all about.

Many people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. Whether it be for sex, companionship, emotional support, Fear of Being Alone… The reasons are not always secure and pure. Often times as humans we do not think before we act, we do things based off impulse and deal with the repercussions of our actions in the long run.

I have had NUMEROUS opportunities at being some guys “girlfriend, arm-candy, bae, boo and wifey”. Each time Ive been presented with a potential suitor I have been given the chance to change my status to accommodate my friends and family members desires to not see me “Alone”.

I am the youngest Grand-Child on my mothers side and all the other and older grandchildren ahead of me are either married, courting or in a serious relationship….

And then there’s Me.

You are probably wondering… So if you are the “Boy Dem Shuga”

English Translation: Hot commodity, big timer, Relation-ally Capable

Then Why are you single?

I am about to break it down to you as best as I can.

After my last relationship ended a few years ago ( actual year and date are questionable) I was in a very very dark place. I was hurt, I was upset and I felt like Love obviously did NOT love me because If it did I wouldn’t be apart of the single-girls-club. I was so accustomed to being with someone that I had forgotten how it felt to be alone.. and I hated it. I missed all the perks that came with having a man, including having someone to cater to my every need. ( I can be a bit of a princess at times).  Society has made us believe that being “Alone” is a form of disease, something that isn’t acceptable. This push that has been given by the media and by people around us makes us feel that we have not “made” it unless we have someone by our side. 

I remember feeling so incomplete and lost because the years kept going by and I had found no one that I felt I could see myself with forever. All my friends were getting into and out of relationships and there I was all alone wondering if God forgot all about me. I know what I want and I guess that can be a good or bad thing, knowing. I feel that when you don’t know as much or you’ve let yourself become more open to other opportunities of meeting someone who may not be that : 6’4, Dashing. Ambitious, Perfect Teeth……Guy, you may just find someone. Maybe? Maybe Not?

I am single because I know what I want, Ive spoken it into the atmosphere and Ive told God what things I would like in a man that I intend on spending my life with. I am single because I refuse to settle, settle for a mediocre belly rub, mediocre affection or mediocre overall gratification. I am single because I am focused. I am focused on my dreams, I am focused on my goals and I know that I am not where I need to be mentally and emotionally. I am single because I’m not ready to love again, I’m not completely healed and I don’t believe in “passing the time” or using another guy to fill any void I may have. I am single because I am trying to be patient an allow all that God has in store for my life while I am alone to be fulfilled.  Being single is the only time anyone has to accomplish as much as they can without the obligations of another life depending on them.

 

I want to travel.

I want to meet new people.

I want to fall in love with me again. The Girl I was before social media, before superficial add-ins.

So please DO NOT define me by my marital status, don’t feel a pity for me because I don’t have a significant other.

I hope After this I wont have to hear

Why are you single?

It will be worth the wait ❤

 

“So if you’re  out there, swear Ill be good to you cause I’m  done looking for that future someone , be Cause When the Time is Right He’ll be here but for now.. Dear no one this is your Love Song”- Tori Kelly.™

 

Im Fake Too.

I remember when I was younger and TV was Good. 

Back in the late 90’s early 2000’s when :

Saved By The Bell

Fresh Prince

Full House

Family Matters

All That

The Nanny

Sister Sister

The Cosby Show

Boy Meets World

Lizzy McGuire

That’s So Raven

Used to be the Hit shows. I remember the days when TV was clean , it was informative and it was safe. I recall being young watching TV and actually being allowed to watch the shows that were being played . Vulgarity and profanity were at a minimal and parents had little to fret about when it came to their children watching television. Back when Kids were Kids.

I remember waking up on Saturday Mornings to catch Tiny Toon Adventures, Tale Spin, Doug, DarkWing Ducks, X-Men, Animaniacs, The Tick, Freakaziods and Big Comfy Couch.

Woman of all shapes and sizes were on TV then. You had the “Plus Sized” Girls, In between’s, curvy mamas and then the slim and trims. Growing up I never felt compelled to want to look a certain way because the media to me then was more accepting.

Back then in the early 2000’s there was no dominating social media outlets. Sites like Black Planet, Habbo Hotel, Hi5, World of Warcraft and MySpace were the most “social” sites around. Facebook was the most popular connecting tool then and any and everyone who wanted to connect with others had to know the persons name or at-least enough about them to be able to find them. Pictures posted were more censored and the stresses to conform were lower.

Well that’s what I think at least.

The late 2000’s brought shows such as:

Keeping Up with The Kardashians

Americas Next Top Model

Jersey Shore

Flavors Of Love

The Hills

Bad Girls Club

Dance Moms

Toddlers in Tiaras

The Simple Life

Love And Hip-Hop

The Real Housewives

Over the years the images I began to see of what a woman should look like began to change. Where slim girls once dominated social media and the TV, I began to see more altered females taking over. Regardless of what show I would watch, girls who had the perfect makeup, perfect bodies and LAID hair began to be the norm.

Please do not in any way shape or form accuse me of saying ANYTHING bad about ANYONE who looks a certain way.. I am merely stating a point.

Scrolling on my IG timeline I am bombarded<- strong word usage I know… with Vixen Like Females from all over the world. Woman who are and are not born with the perfect “36-24-42 “have taken over the Explore Page. Back in the days the perfect woman was considered one who was “36-24-36” but that has slowly changed.

Watching the progression of shows that started off in the early 2000’s that are still running on TV now, you can see how so many females and males perception of “beauty, aesthetics and body image” have changed.

I can openly admit I am a consumer who has bought into this new FAD Of having to look a certain way. Where as I used to wear minimal makeup I had found myself drowned in Youtube tutorials doing trial and errors to correct my eye liner “wing”, enhance my cheekbones contouring and have my frontal LAID. Where I was once content with my body looking a certain way, I have found myself constantly browsing for waist cinchers looking for something to make my “25” waist even smaller.

When I graduated from High School in 08 Girls were less occupied with contouring, weave and cosmetic surgeries. The only people who got their Boobs or Bum done were the people who had some means or fame or had money. The everyday girl did not have access to the resources then that she does now.

It pains me to go on the internet , walk in the mall or even scroll on my timeline and see replicas, clones of woman all over the world who have done any and everything in their power to conform their looks to the looks of what SOCIETY and the MEDIA have deemed to be the “perfect” woman. That desirable BOMBSHELL who oozes sexuality, lust and desire. That woman who “woke up like this” and by this I mean FLAWLESS.

DISCLAIMER: I am not knocking plastic surgery, implants or even people who use excessive amounts of makeup..

I know and have come across so many females who were one size one summer and by the next summer come back with HUGE breasts, NO waist and a Booty that even London Charles a.k.a Deelishis would envy.

When the media tells us a certain shoe, hair colour, eye colour, look, body type, song, brand is in we cave in and feel that we have to have it, buy it or change ourselves to fit in.

CONSUMERISM.

The worst thing about all of this is the generation coming up has gotten from bad to worse. I have bumped into girls in middle school  and high school freshman’s with bodies of grown woman clad in clothes that my mom would have beat me If I ever even tried stepping foot out the house in. Belly Buttons showing, Push-up bra induced boobs popping out and the the tightest pair of TNA and LuluLemon tights and active wear pants glued on their skin. I’m seeing parents promoting videos of their kids twerking and whining up themselves under the age of 5 for what ?

Fame?

Whats happening to us?

DO NOT get me wrong. There are a group of women out there who are not as affected by this new type of woman that’s rising up , woman who are embracing their natural beauty more than ever before.

But is that also a fad?

Is this natural hair movement something that has also been affected by the media? Are woman of colour who are filming natural hair videos and creating their own products and face regimes at home falling into the medias pull?

Is it a good thing?

Some say we as women do what we do to please and accommodate the men around us. Some say that all changes a woman does to herself is essentially to attract, keep or lure a man in.

Do we really do what we do for ourselves?

Do men determine what the media portrays?

If All these women are  “Fake”, Strongly Influenced or Brainwashed..

I guess I am too.

Omg.

I’m Fake.

 

 

 

 

No. I did NOT get Married at 25.

People can have you feeling like you’re way older than you really are just by knowing, understanding and reminding you of your age.

The big countdown began for me… And as the days went by I was one day closer , one hour closer, a few minutes closer and even seconds closer to being ” a quarter of a century”. The big 2-5 was supposed to be the year and age that most people have already figured out what they want out of life , set long term and short term goals and are either married, engaged, pregnant ,have their first child OR working on their second. Society has set up these mental pictures in our minds about how our lives are supposed to go, the rates they’re supposed to go at and the pace.

High expectations are set for us and often times we are unable to fulfill them. When I was younger I told myself that by 2-5 I HAD TO be married. In my head I was marrying my at the time boyfriend, I was having 2 kids and that was that. <— Didn’t Happen.

Things About Myself I can OPENLY admit:

I have only ever been in ONE ” Real” relationship.

I am afraid of heights

I am scared of real commitment ( shocking?)

I am a serious hopeless romantic

I love FOOD.

Each and everything in my life that has happened or is currently happening is preparing me for what is to come.

*chants affirmation to self but doesn’t believe one word of what I’m chanting*

-SHORT PAUSE-

When I  initially started writing this blog it was before my birthday and I was experiencing the highest level of writers block. I didn’t know what I wanted to talk about but I did know that for my big 2-5 I had to write a post. I was secretly hoping for a fun filled adventure packed day so that I could write a post that makes everyone smile and  say wow or wish that they came to Alicias Big 2-5 Bash.

As my 2-5 Birthday approached I can admit I was a bit let down. I had just recently finished up my last week of College, was unemployed and had NO prospects, boo’s or eye candy in my life to claim.. or claim me.

For someone who had their life all figured out from a young age it was very saddening to have arrived at “THE AGE” and not accomplished ANYTHING that I had set up in my mental life clock. Its sad that people can look at you and assume that you have it all together. People can see you smile, or see you on social media and by the way you dress, the car you drive or the house you live in assume your life is perfect.

Looking at me people assumed from my 200 + Instagram posts and 1 minute long snap-chat stories that I had it all worked out. Ive had girls tell me how lucky I was just based off of what they saw.. knowing little to nothing about my personal life. I’ve had people I don’t even know message me telling me how much they look up to me and admire my drive NOT knowing the many times I’ve woke up ready to quit and and every venture I have embarked on.

Good Ole 2-5.

I expected more from myself.

Unlike my other posts I REFUSE to end this off in a sad note.

Though 2-5 did not bring me my Dream Job, Dream Man, Dream Car or any of the other goals I set when I was a teenager.

The BIG 2-5 did however:

  • Launched my Everyday Wear Line Noir 91
  • Attained networking avenues I would have never ever  ever ever had
  • Gained insight of what I do and do not want in a man <- BIG THING!
  • Put me on the right path career wise
  • The Year I graduated ( for the second time)  with Honours

Life has honestly taught me that everything may not work out at the pace we may set for ourselves but that God makes no mistakes and what is meant to be in your life will not miss you.

I have learned to trust the process, the plan and most of all the planner.

God.

 

Heres to 2-5 more years ❤