Why Are You Single? 

The most common question asked to me each and every time a male or female approaches me and the conversation somehow goes towards love marriage and relationships.

Why are you single Alicia?

Now I know I have been talking about love and relationships a lot these days but I promise next month I will be giving you guys better topics.

The topic of my relationship status seems to be the MILLION DOLLAR Question at Family Functions, My Grandmas weekly check-ins from Jamaica and any friendship gathering. Everyone always seems to wonder …

WHY ARE YOU SINGLE ALICIA?

To answer questions, concerns of my sexual orientation and  thoughts of my potential transfer into the Nun clergy … Heres the 411

” I , Alicia Sarah Harper am single .. by CHOICE.”

I know that was NOT the answer many expected, some even probably wanted me to admit that I had some kind of issue that hindered me from potentially finding a man.. but that is not the case.

I always told myself that Dating wasn’t something to be entered into lightly. I have always believed that giving yourself to someone mentally, emotionally and physically should be done with someone special and should be something that is well thought out.

As we get older and as we mature we realize the things we once looked for in a potential significant other change. The desires I once had for that Tall, Thug Like Athlete who had a bit of attitude, the charm of Omarion meets LL Cool J and the swag of…( insert the most stylish guy you know)*COUGH COUGH* changed and I slowly start gravitating more towards attributes of substance. Don’t get me wrong I still admire the company of a man with a little Spizzaz to him but Ive come to realize that’s not what its all about.

Many people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. Whether it be for sex, companionship, emotional support, Fear of Being Alone… The reasons are not always secure and pure. Often times as humans we do not think before we act, we do things based off impulse and deal with the repercussions of our actions in the long run.

I have had NUMEROUS opportunities at being some guys “girlfriend, arm-candy, bae, boo and wifey”. Each time Ive been presented with a potential suitor I have been given the chance to change my status to accommodate my friends and family members desires to not see me “Alone”.

I am the youngest Grand-Child on my mothers side and all the other and older grandchildren ahead of me are either married, courting or in a serious relationship….

And then there’s Me.

You are probably wondering… So if you are the “Boy Dem Shuga”

English Translation: Hot commodity, big timer, Relation-ally Capable

Then Why are you single?

I am about to break it down to you as best as I can.

After my last relationship ended a few years ago ( actual year and date are questionable) I was in a very very dark place. I was hurt, I was upset and I felt like Love obviously did NOT love me because If it did I wouldn’t be apart of the single-girls-club. I was so accustomed to being with someone that I had forgotten how it felt to be alone.. and I hated it. I missed all the perks that came with having a man, including having someone to cater to my every need. ( I can be a bit of a princess at times).  Society has made us believe that being “Alone” is a form of disease, something that isn’t acceptable. This push that has been given by the media and by people around us makes us feel that we have not “made” it unless we have someone by our side. 

I remember feeling so incomplete and lost because the years kept going by and I had found no one that I felt I could see myself with forever. All my friends were getting into and out of relationships and there I was all alone wondering if God forgot all about me. I know what I want and I guess that can be a good or bad thing, knowing. I feel that when you don’t know as much or you’ve let yourself become more open to other opportunities of meeting someone who may not be that : 6’4, Dashing. Ambitious, Perfect Teeth……Guy, you may just find someone. Maybe? Maybe Not?

I am single because I know what I want, Ive spoken it into the atmosphere and Ive told God what things I would like in a man that I intend on spending my life with. I am single because I refuse to settle, settle for a mediocre belly rub, mediocre affection or mediocre overall gratification. I am single because I am focused. I am focused on my dreams, I am focused on my goals and I know that I am not where I need to be mentally and emotionally. I am single because I’m not ready to love again, I’m not completely healed and I don’t believe in “passing the time” or using another guy to fill any void I may have. I am single because I am trying to be patient an allow all that God has in store for my life while I am alone to be fulfilled.  Being single is the only time anyone has to accomplish as much as they can without the obligations of another life depending on them.

 

I want to travel.

I want to meet new people.

I want to fall in love with me again. The Girl I was before social media, before superficial add-ins.

So please DO NOT define me by my marital status, don’t feel a pity for me because I don’t have a significant other.

I hope After this I wont have to hear

Why are you single?

It will be worth the wait ❤

 

“So if you’re  out there, swear Ill be good to you cause I’m  done looking for that future someone , be Cause When the Time is Right He’ll be here but for now.. Dear no one this is your Love Song”- Tori Kelly.™