Fighting Temptations: My Road to Celibacy

One of the hardest things to do is too stop doing something you’ve done . They said it takes 3 times to make something a habit.. or it is 3 months .. or was it 3 weeks.. 

we live in such a sexualized world .

It doesn’t matter what you look at or where you go sex is everywhere . 

From perfume advertisements to soda commercials.. sex sells .

BecAuse sex is everywhere directly and indirectly , saving yourself till marriage is so rare now . 

I remember growing up and rarely seeing any sexually dominated propaganda paraded. 

Even if there was any type of sexual messages they were so hidden that you would have to really read into stuff just to get the message. 

One thing about intimacy is that it’s addictive. Once you have sex at least once your body knows the feeling and almost like taking drugs you attempt to stop and your body caves in and you feel a sense of withdrawal. 
Everyone who decides to be sexually abstinent has their own personal reasons to accompany their drastic decision . 

I lost my virginity <- hate that word … at 19.. I think. Or maybe it was 18.. an age I didn’t anticipate to someone I had no intentions of giving it too ( no shade). He was my first REAL boyfriend . In my mind I was saving myself till marriage, sex being the farthest thing from my mind at the time. 

Yes, I did wonder , yes I did hope someone would “want” me but I was doing the GODLY thing. 
I didn’t wanna be a “fornicator” I didn’t want to let my parents down . I was so focused on finish up University and finding myself that when He came along I wasn’t ready for what having a REAL bf meant . 
I was playing house, doing the house wife duties things I thought were required to “keeping your man” . 

Having a special someone in your life really makes you think of things you wouldn’t have before . I was never pressured to have sex, never given an ultimatum or made to feel that if I didn’t do IT he would leave me .

“It just happened ” 

Literally . 
Soon my mind became consumed with thoughts surrounding sex.

I wondered if u sucked at it , I wondered if he would be the one and only guy I ever did anything with.. or If one day we would break up and I would find another . 

I finally got what all the fuss was about , I finally realized why so many girls and guys were sleeping around. 
Sex wasn’t too bad at all. 
It felt good .BUT the guilt burned inside of me everyday . Every time I even thought about it I felt bad . 

I felt like I was letting my family down. 

I felt like I had broken my promise to God .

I felt dirty. 

At 26.

Telling people I’ve chosen To be celibate causes the MOST uproars . It’s a conversation piece . They look at me

, they look under their eyes . They laugh. They tell me I’m lying then they say 

“Good Luck”
I’ve had guys write me off for my decision, people call me a liar even fake. 

Overly religious .. that’s the word.

For not wanting every tom DICK and harry to be inside my temple… 
I’ve realized my worth, realized how precious and rare of Gem I am . 

I don’t want to be something everyone has had. 

I want to be something everyone would want but have to work to have . 
In the Bible Jacob had to work YEARS for Rachel. Even though his intentions were to marry her and they were good ones he didn’t just get her just by asking for her . 
I told myself I didn’t do it right the first time but the next time around it would be to someone who I see as my forever. 

So call my a spinster, laugh at my decision to wait again.. 

Heck if reading this makes you not want to pursue me so be it .. 

I’m just fighting temptations. 

One response to “Fighting Temptations: My Road to Celibacy”

  1. angloaristotelian Avatar

    I am sorry you have struggled in this area. I want to encourage you, in your singleness, not to be too strict with yourself. I have driven myself into sin by trying to suppress my sexual feelings (and failing of course). Drop by my blog if you would like further thoughts on this.

    Liked by 1 person

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