One of the most ANNOYING feelings is being judged based on something you have NO control over.
Having a certain body type can be a blessing but also a curse. It sucks that something thats in most cases is genetics and uncontrollable can be such a controversial issue and a “hinderance”.
Growing up,my body fluctuated ALL THE TIME.
When I first started “sprouting” or should I say before my body became what it is today I was that TALL Slim Girl. The one In the class pictures who stood in the middle, the one who all the boys made fun of or were afraid to talk too because I was either their height or taller.
I have always had an internal battle with my height and weight. I was always either feeling that I was too slim or at one point even getting too big. Being tall and “fat” was not attractive to me and I didn’t want others around me to view me how I viewed myself . My belly seemed to keep expanding yet my hips and boobs remained unmoved..
Every woman has that one thing about herself that she feels less confident about ..it may not necessarily be something that she’s insecure about but more so something that she wish she could change or rearrange about herself.
I remember being in grade 8 and thinking that maybe I should stuff my bras because all my friends has boobs while I was stuck on sports and training bras. I remember taking my grade 8 school picture and getting the proofs back only to see two sunflower seeds sticking out from my tan La senza Girl Shirt. I knew I wasn’t ugly my hair was thankfully long and luscious then, but that meant nothing when all the guys around me found favour and amusement in the “developed” girls.
I couldn’t be more than 13 and was at church one Sunday Night, seated beside my sister and my friends someone imitated a then version of what we now know as “Smash or Pass”.
We were supposed to be paying attention to the service but being the hormonal kids we were, what was being preached was the last thing on our minds. I remember the guys rating my group of friends and I , my rating becoming significantly lower because of my last of breasts and filled out hips. I was insulted. I was angered at how shallow and blind these young boys were.
Did they not see my clothes and shoes?
Was my Mary J Blige flip out hair do not captivating enough?
Back then body image was viewed almost the same way it’s viewed now. The curvier more filled out females who have the perfect Hour Glass Shape get the most love.
The Day Puberty hit me
This once 00 bean stalk filled out in all the places I didn’t think I would. I never felt so beautiful in my life. The hips I had that were hidden finally decided to sprout, my behind filling out perfectly with it. I will never forget the day , Grade 11 summer going into grade 12, I guess God heard my internal cries because my hips and booty became POPPIN! This once strong bean got some bawdy hunty!
The day my body filled out, the day that I was hoping and praying for became a blessing and a curse.
I HATE double standards. I hate when one thing is okay for someone and it’s not okay for someone else .
The day my body filled out was the day I got judged in so many ways.
“She’s having sex… look at her hips”
“The dress is nice but it draws too much attention to your hips”
“That outfit looks innapropriate because you have too much….”
Those were just SOME of the comments I got once my body filled in. The annoyance and double standard I faced for a body that I didn’t even think I would get.
I now speak for all the girls who like myself have a certain body type that they cant control. I speak for the girls with the 42 hips who deal with a constant struggle to slip into a pair of Zara and H&M jeans. One thing I hate is that we get the bad end of the stick, we have to deal with struggling to get our clothes to fit us the way we want them too and have to deal with in some cases attention we don’t want from people we don’t want the attention from just because of our body type.
Imagine me, 5’11 with 90% of my body fat being in my lower half, from the waist up looking like I am slimmer than I really am. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my body and am thankful everyday that I was blessed with what I have NATURALLLY .. But It often times becomes an issue not even to myself but to others around me who feel intimidated, annoyed or uncomfortable with what I have.
A girl can wear the same dress as me and have a smaller body type, the dress be GLUED onto her skin and its okay… but let me put that same dress on and it becomes and immediate issue.
The thing that angers me the most. If its not okay for me its not okay for anyone. Selfish? Maybe? But I have a valid point brewing.
Different men are turned on by different things. I have a friend whose boyfriend prefers breasts over booty and I know other guys who don’t care if their girl is an A cup or can only fit in sports bras they only care about the JUNK she’s carrying in her trunk.
With that being said for people to tell me that by me wearing certain stuff Its not appropriate ( obviously they’re females saying this) It makes me question if they know the minds of all men or if they are projecting their thoughts based on their own personal insecurities.
These same girls who will complain and nit pick about the things I wear and try to make me feel unsure and insecure about my body are the same girls who follow Dr. Miami on Snapchat saving their coins to get Brazilian Butt Lifts and S-curve surgeries.
Other the years despite my intense weight fluctuation I have grown to love my sometimes size 8 sometimes size 10 body regardless of the comments and snares of the
As I Jump to get into my Fashion Nova jeans semi bending my shellac and bio gel manicure In the process I stare at my booty in the mirror, smile flip my Brazilian 22 inch weave over my shoulders and say to myself
THICK CHICKS ARE IN NOW??