Chances Are… You’re a Side Chick

Urban Dictionary.com defines a “Side Chick” as

the other woman; also known as the mistress; a female that is neither a male’s wifeor girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship
Kimmy: Look at Tina and Josh…are they going out?
Sally: No Kimmy! Josh is datingLaura. Tina is just his sidechick.
From reading the above, TWO words stood out to me in two mini sentences. ( if that makes sense)
“neither wife” . “neither girlfriend”
The main idea behind being a side chick baffles me. I guess I just can’t, or should I say couldn’t fathom how any girl could willingly entertain a man SHE knows is taken.
I told myself for years I would never allow any man to play me for a fool, never take second place because I knew my worth and knew I was a main chick or nothing.
I never had issues getting guys so I thought I would never had to be put in a situation where I am a “side chick”.
I’m a selfish person when it comes to what’s “mine” or who I want. I don’t like to share my significant other with anyone at any time unless it’s me sharing their time and energy with the kids we would make together.
Other than the above I never considered myself “side chick” material bad talked girls I knew who proudly played their side chick position to a T.
Like I have referenced in many posts, I am always so quick to judge someone before I myself end up in that same predicament.
A little while ago, ( date, year and time will remain undisclosed) I found myself a predicament that I had no business in.
*Slowly Airs Out My Dirty Laundry*
It’s always the person, thing or places we say we never want to go too or be around that we always end up mixed up in and with.
At one point in my life I was a PROUD side-chick. <- may  be over-exaggerating just a bit.
Imagine that eh! ( typical Canadian Slang) I Alicia Sarah Harper, who grew up in a good Christian home was a side chick.
So here’s the 4-1-1  with LIMITED details.
” So there was this guy, who I liked, had feelings for him and all that Jazz. Only issue was… he had a Girlfriend.. and I knew about her too. I don’t remember how long they were dating but I can assure you she was all over his IG and visa versa. Being the persistent female I am I refused to accept that chance that he had found someone else, when I had liked him for a HOT minute. In my mind she wasn’t prettier than me and I knew him longer So my inner savage didn’t care If I was potentially breaking up a “happy” home. I swear he was like a drug, a needle I was sharing with another junkie passing him back and forth too high, unaware that he was being shared. I played my part, to the outside world we had no communication, but our conversations said otherwise. There were days that I would want to see him and I couldn’t because he was with her. Times when I wanted to pop by his house but she was there, and I was far from messy and did not want any drama so I would stay home. I allowed him to play me, shoot I allowed him to play her too.
DUMB.
I wanted to tell my friends about him, but I knew how dumb I would look If they knew I was messing around with a fully relational man. “
I was once that girl that thought It would be “cool” to take a man from a girl. I was that girl who cared only about her own feelings and could care less if someone else got hurt, as long as I was happy.
I believe in Karma and I believe that whatever you reap is what you’re going to sew. The emotional distress I sewed I reaped In the end. The promises of ” Im going to leave her for you, just give me time, I don’t want to hurt her” Plagued my mind and gave me hope for then EMPTY promises.
Promises I didn’t deserve because I was becoming a woman scorned. A person I told myself was unlike my character and against my beliefs.
It so sad to see the measures that we as women are willing to take to hold on to a man. I guess because there are like 10 women per man we feel like we have to do the MOST just to sustain our position in his life.
A wise wise woman once told me that whats meant for ME would always be for ME and that I wouldn’t have to fight, cuss, “skin out” or go against what I believe and feel just to keep what God destined for my life. Sometimes I find we overcompensate in hopes that in the end we come out on top, HBIC.. or whatever that Abbreviation is.

 

It’s sickening that we live In a world that praises side-chicks and has walks, Social Media pages and appreciation for woman who NEVER get the main title. I mean getting his love and affection is good and dandy and all that until he has to go back home to the woman who claims him as her own.

“Why be the yellow starburst when you can be the pink one”

It makes no sense settling for 2nd best if you know for yourself you deserve nothing but the best. The realization of who I was and what I was worth and helped me to remove myself from a situation that was bound to end up with me being emotionally destroyed and hurt. I am not knocking Side Chicks If there’s an agreement that’s set up and it works for both parties then do you boo boo.

I just know from personal experience that it NEVER ends well.

If you know you’re a Filet Mignon why accept Ground Beef Treatment?

Temporarily it may feel good, there may be “perks” and you may even think in the end you will win but why take the chance of a “What If” or a “Maybe”.

Disclaimer/SideNote/Moment Of Truth: Its situations like these that have motivated me to write a book, I guess I’ve felt led to share my life lessons and experiences with everyone, If my mistakes can help others not make the same then that would mean the most. <- Stay Tuned Coming 2018.

Why be the girl that only gets
  • Dates after 8
  • No Public Affection
  • Label-less relationships
  • “No Pictures Please” responses
  •  Never get to meet the Family

 

If any of the above Happen to be your current situation..

Chances Are, You’re a Side Chick.

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2 thoughts on “Chances Are… You’re a Side Chick

  1. Mara Shaw says:

    Wow – this is so raw and honest. Very brave of you for prioritizing the impact your experiences could have on others, over the vulnerability of publicly sharing your mistakes / shortcomings.
    Sometimes we need situations like this to check ourselves and come back to a place of humility.
    Great post! Very introspective 👌🏾

    Liked by 1 person

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