I have been speaking with a-lot of females of lately and there seems to be a very common feeling amongst us.
Inadequacy: a lack of competence, unsatisfactoriness by virtue of being inadequate.
Almost as if there is a cloud of doubt hovering over, fuelled by social media, magazines and Linkedin. We may feel like we re doing our best, living our best life, drinking our water and not letting anyone man child take us for IDIOT.. YET our progression and the progression we think we are making in life seems to mean nothing compared to our counterparts.
Without knowing someones story, journey or struggles we formulate these preconceived notions on who they are and how they got where they are based off of pictures, memes and insta videos. Not knowing if their mental health is in check, bank account is stacked or living situation Is healthy, we can grow envy and jealousy over the lives of people who know nothing about.
I can genuinely say I have fallen victim to this feeling. I have seen other women around me GLOW up having started after me and felt some type of way. Mostly unintentional but none the less I would feel as if I was lacking or not good enough because my life was not where HER life was and we started around the same time. Down to my physical appearance, I could have 10 guys tell me how beautiful I am but it would mean nothing if mentally I felt like I wasn’t as beautiful as the girl next to me. Compliments, acknowledgments, encouraging words have all fallen on deaf ears at times for me all because of this inadequate feeling. Even at times as a Believer I would ask God why is it that some people who give him no acknowledgement, live the worst life and have the worst possible personality seem to be excelling in life and the people who are faithful, pray, do good deeds and have a kind heart always get the bad end of the stick.
Ive questioned God and his “faithfulness” I have questioned myself, I have even questioned what my purpose was all because of comparisons and allowing others lives to dictate the direction and pace my life should be taking.
This feeling of inadequacy has even followed me into my career path. I went to school for PR and noticed on many occasions that there is a serious lack of woman of colour in the public relations and marketing world. Jobs that I would apply for with girls I was in class for I found I was often overlooked and my counterparts who weren’t visibly a minority chosen. Ive felt as if my resume or my experience has meant nothing and the colour of my skin a deal breaker withholding me from showing the world my true potential.
Inadequate because I am a black woman.
Inadequate because I am almost 30.
Inadequate because I still live at home.
It is a sense of relief when you are going through it and there are other females who message you because they themselves are going through the same thing as you.
You are not alone.
The same discomfort you feel, someone else does too. The same lack of self worth you feel, someone else feels it too.
I am not saying its okay to have a pity party forum or group that celebrates feeling a way other than something positive, BUT knowing you are not alone is a great way to regroup and get out of that dark place we may find ourselves stuck in.
I have come to realize :There will always be someone lighter, always be someone prettier, always be someone more experienced with more friends and more followers, have better skin than me, a bigger house, better body, better job.. You name it.
They will never ever be me.
The devil often creeps up in our lives at times when we are the most vulnerable and tries to sow confusion and doubt in our minds to make us feel as if we are not enough even when we are. Inner peace comes when I realize that no one is perfect, no two people have the same journey and that everything that happens on earth happens in Gods perfect timing.
For the days I was feeling less about myself, about my hair, about my body, about my progression in life, about who I am presently, these few tidbits helped me get back to my centre and mentally re-group.
- Trust the Process- Everything happens for a reason in its time
- Be Hopeful- Even when things seem unclear and confusing, hold on to the assurance that there is always light at the end of the tunnel
- Pray- Speak to the Father, The Man Upstairs, God, Abba, and release your feelings of frustration to him, let him know how you feel.
- Grind Grind Grind- Don’t stop pushing for what you want, don’t let your feelings be the reason you fall off from your craft. Even when you feel like crap keep pushing, even If you’re pushing in silence
- Document your Journey- Write down what you want, when you want it by and the steps you are willing to take to achieve what you want out of life.
- Unplug- Dont let social media consume you, Sometimes you need a day or a few hours or a week to just remove yourself from the commotion. Take that time to read, take yourself out on a date, mentally and physically plan and pamper yourself.
Ladies, OUR time is coming.Our Glow up, our Grow up, our Moment to Shine.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mothers womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works’ my soul knows it very well.”- Psalm 139:13-14
You are more than Enough, and you can make it.