According to Webster dictionary, Love is :
a strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties, attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers, affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests.
Hollywood paints love to be this warming feeling, this fairytale or mythical feeling that comes when the handsome prince rescues the princess, saves the damsel that was in distress or sparks from a reunited love interest.
But truthfully what is love?
Do we really know what love is and are we willing to do what it takes to experience that feeling that love brings?
My answer: No.
I think we’re afraid to fall in love, we’re afraid of the butterflies , the smiling the joy and happiness that falling in love may NOT bring us. Essentially we’re afraid to get hurt. We don’t want that one person who we think is the ONE to be a waste of our time and affections. We are made to feel like being tough or being that hard one who never falls in love or who is too “TOUGH” to get cuffed is something that is admirable or cool or something that will make others look up to you , when its the complete opposite.
It takes a real STRONG person to be vulnerable and open enough to allow themselves to be receptive to love and falling in love.
I think we’re afraid to fall in love, scared to be vulnerable and allow someone to see us at our weakest point and even through seeing us at a point of weakness still love us and have unwavering Feelings toward Us. We don’t want to be judged, we don’t want someone to have the leverage over us by knowing things about us that they can hold against us should we both part.
Skeletons in the Closet.
I know how it feels to not want to love .. again, to not want to give someone or anyone for that matter the benefit of taking bits and pieces of US and have them use and abuse us to their liking. I know how it feels to know that someone knows small intricate things about you, what makes you tick, what makes you smile, what makes your heart flutter..
I strongly believe we are afraid of what that person can do with the information that they know that can affect us. Having someone knowing what things can get us started leaves the opportunity for them to use I against us, they will always have that power over us because we opened up.
But thats what happens with commitment and getting to know other people. When you think you are in love, falling in love or have some strong almost like love feelings towards someone you want to be transparent with them in hopes that they will love and accept you flaws and all.
Why has love , falling in love and loving someone become something so foreign. We’ve become scared to say “ I love you” first , Ashamed to admit to others we love someone and annoyed when people tell us how they really feel. Gone are the days of selflessness and we have welcomed the feeling of selfishness.
Microwave emotions, Just add water feelings and Genetically Modified thoughts.
We can play the blame game and say it’s women who aren’t ready or it’s men who aren’t serious. We can say men now a days want to have their cake and eat it too, women are too clingy and want stuff to quickly. Some can say that they’re waiting for the ONE and they’ll know when that person comes so until then they’ve closed themselves off from everything else..
For every one man there’s 10 women, for everyone 5 women there is one man. It’s become harder for women to find and secure that ONE when there’s a sea of 50 other women gunning for that same man. The man to women ratio is so low . For myself when there is a guy who I know I am interested in I realize that sadly its a race.
Its a race against time and every other female who he encounters that has the same ideas and goals such as myself. Finding that ONE has never felt so hard and so much like homework or a research project.
And thats the problem.
People don’t want to invest time into love..
We can commit to our jobs, to our goals but when it comes to love and relationships we find every excuse as to why we can’t be in one.
We would rather give our all to material substances in hopes of gaining fame and fortune and neglect the person/ persons who present themselves in our lives indirectly and directly begging for us to give them a chance to prove they’re worthy of our love.
Why did we stop loving hard ?
Why did we stop loving at all ?
We have music telling us it’s okay to be a player. It’s okay to lead 3-4 people on at one time and disregard the fact that they’re humans, have feelings and may potentially have feelings for us. Because the music and media keep telling us that we don’t need love that we can do it all on our own, be self made and self motivated we dont feel or see the need to look for or allow ourselves to find love .
After all we are all led mainly by social media, music, art and whatever crap comes up on google and the news.
No one has a mind of their own.
Carbon Copies of what we think we should look like and be.
BUT I have a proposition..
WHAT IF..we give 100%, dive in face forward and the persons feelings are the same . Are we afraid that we will be the only one giving our all and then in the end end up heart broken, alone and bitter.
WHAT IF we actually allowed ourselves to be open to the potential of falling in love. Despite our need to be financially stable first, have it all together and be SET.
WHAT IF love stopped being a cliche emotion that only our parents felt but became something tangible and easy to feel.
If love is going to be insecurities , confusion, fear, loneliness, discomfort and manipulation…
I don’t want to fall in love.
I asked a few people why they were single ..
“Personally I feel like I am single because i intimidate men. I know what I want, for the most part who I am, where I’m trying to go and what I believe. That scares a lot of men because Its hard to sway me or convince me of anything I don’t care about or believe in. Also men assume because I am a boss that I am bossy and cannot be submissive or I will be too opinionated because I lead in many other aspects of my life. The truth is I’m a Believer in God and I know my place as a women when it comes to relationships. I can be super submissive because I know its important for a man to be the leader and the head, I am the neck and I am here to add to whatever he has going on. Most men like me for my body and don’t really take the time to get to know that side of me outside of the immediate things they see or assume once I tell them what I do and they get a slight glimpse of dominant overall personality.”
“Because at this moment I know I’m willing but not able to give all or enough of what I believe a good woman deserves hence me not actively pursuing a relationship. In addition to that, I haven’t met someone who shows qualities that make me want to pursue her despite the reasons I just listed. Mind you, I also don’t go anywhere”
“Easiest answer is the little bit of women that I’d consider don’t live where i do. So it’s difficult to find out if it’s something worth pursuing. I hate talking on the phone. Lol”
“The thought of me having to search for someone who is remotely compatible for me is unnecessary and overwhelming. Unnecessary because experience has shown me that its best to stumble into something amazing rather than trying to find it. “Finding” something or someone implies that I know exactly what it is I’m searching for… and more often than not it leads to me being unhappy or having to overcompensate. Overwhelming because, In the past i’ve shown a level of neediness in needing to be validated; always searching for ways to make someone happy even if it meant not being comfortable. Essentially not investing as much in myself.
When you invest in yourself you’re showing that you’re unwilling to sacrifice your core self to simply please anyone. Investing in yourself shows a level of self awareness where you know to avoid certain people because they don’t align with you. And when you do that, you’ll stumble into the right person who accepts it. No need to “find” them. 😬
So I’m single because I’m learning to become comfortable and invest in myself… if that makes sense lol”