I Miss My Ex.

Have you ever sat down and tried to rationalize what the root of your personal insecurities, lack of confidence and overall outlook on certain life situations stems from?

A lot of women ( + men) leave relationships emotionally scared and damaged. He said/ She said. He did/She did situations leave the involved individuals confused and their ideals on love and relationships strained.

My Ex.

My first “real” relationship was the one that I know changed me into the woman I am today. I don’t know if its a good or bad thing I just know that that relationship strongly contributed to the way I now view love.

Ive concluded what the issue is.

We DON’T give ourselves time to heal. After the one we give our heart and trust too let’s us down, we often look for something to fill the void instead of getting to the root of our pain.

Rebound? Ive tried to do that before, tried to talk to someone to get the real person I had on my mind out of it. Thought that by quickly introducing another person into my life It would help my “moving on” process and in no time I would be over..him.

Epic FAIL.

Self-Sabotage is what I call it, when we allow ourselves to mourn and love in a place of pain and resentment. I can honestly say for myself I allowed my heart to be emotionally unavailable on many occasions because I never sat down and honestly and truly healed. My initial reaction was to distract myself, include another person in my space who could possibly help the reality of my life become a fantasy from the past. I didn’t want to deal with that fact that I was hurting, delusional to the reality of my broken heart, bitter to the thoughts of long term male companionship.

A way OUT.

I think that’s all I really needed, a way out of my thoughts, the things that consumed and mutilated me emotionally. I would rather be in a place of confusion and uncertainty than accept that I was left, dumped actually. I am a firm believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason, to build us and mold us into soldiers. I believe that we have to experience certain predicaments to become truly human and embrace life and our emotions. Imagine if we never experience heartache, imagine if we never had any sad moments, could you imagine if we had sheltered “perfect” lives. I think that the emotional impact would be much worse, the moment we finally encounter that ONE who goes against the grain and actually shows us how imperfect life is… it could ruin someone.

Conversations have been had I have found myself making excuses for my actions, behaviours and view on love and intimacy. A friend of mine told me recently that there is not enough people talking about rebuilding from heartbreak & toxic situations. When faced with these life changing moments that change us, we attribute ” Im like this because someone ruined me” to our actions.

The Issue?

By doing so we are not accepting the idea of healing but accepting our temporary emotion, refusing to move on. If you don’t heal you can never move on and allow someone else the chance of getting to know just how valuable and precious you are and how much of an asset you can be.

There were many times in my life when I was so mesmerized by the toxicity of a past relationship that I felt that even though I knew this was NOT the one for me I was trapped. Mentally. I felt that I couldn’t properly move on, so I thought maybe It was God’s way of telling me that this was a situation I should have just stayed in. Even after all was said and DONE ( literally) I didn’t want to exhale, tell myself things would be okay alone and move on.

Ladies, we have to get to a point where we stop making excuses for ourselves, gone are the days of the bitter females who chant ” N**** ain’t S***” and ” All men are dogs”. Allowing one bad apple to spoil the bunch is not the end all. Learning to accept situations for what they are and move on is what will purely help us heal.

We can heal through: Addressing the root of the Issue

Laugh a little Cry a little

Break the toxic ties

Talk to someone

Talk to God

Give yourself time. It Heals (most) wounds

I don’t just say this to sound like a know it all, nor am I saying that I am 100% healed from my life experiences. I say this to help myself as well, to continually assure myself that this is not the end, that living in a place of hurt will not help me grow but hinder me and to mentally decipher which situations are building me or blocking me.

Heal for your mental Health.

Heal for your stability.

Heal for your future.

Heal for that person who is waiting on you but can see that you’re not ready, that person who may just be the ONE.

Heal so that you’ll never have to say …

” I miss my Ex”