Dear World: IM TIRED

Taking about race has to be one of the most Sensetive subjects next to politics and religion.

For months I have been MIA, focusing on making money, writing my book and enjoying my last year in my 20’s.

BUT.

When the only way I can comfortably express myself is through my writing, and when asking for justice becomes equivalent to asking for a miracle.

I had to come back..

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Black Lives Matter!!

NO NO You cant just say Black Lives Matter, that’s not politically and racially correct..

ALL LIVES MATTER

Well yes, we KNOW that every life form matters, every being created by God has a place and a purpose and within their purpose and place would matter..

BUT

Black Lives CURRENTLY MATTER!

I am TIRED.

I am Tired of feeling like my blackness is equivalent to a Plague, a flesh eating disease scorned by humanity, afraid to be affected and contaminated by.. ME.

I am Tired of being your punching bag. Battered. Bruised. Mistreated and Used.

I am Tired of walking into stores and having the cashier, managers or sales associates who DONT look like me piercing through my flesh with their gaze.

I am Tired of applying for jobs, knowing I am above and beyond qualified only to be hired to fit the “MINORITY” and “INCLUSIVITY” quota.

I am Tired of my hair being stared at in its natural state as if its something unfamiliar. Touched in awe and regarded to as if there is SOMETHING wrong with the kinks and curls it holds.

I am Tired of hearing people say “Youre Pretty for a Dark Skin Girl” to women whose skin has aged like fine wine, graced by the pigmentation that is Melanin.

I am Tired of older women clutching their purses when a black women or man walks by, mentally associating them with the life of a criminal or delinquent because of the colour of their skin.

I am Tired of being stared at when I walk into places of position or power that THEY would not expect me to be.

I am Tired of being encouraged to hold my tongue in the presence of injustice because I may “OFFEND” someone.

I am Tired of being Tired.

I am Tired of feeling subordinate to my peers who are not ..

LIKE

ME

I am Tired of having to work 2x and sometimes even 3x harder to get to places not only because I am a woman but because of my Melanin.

I am TIRED of hearing that I am not like “most” black women because of my name, shade of my skin or the education I posses.

I AM TIRED.

Dear World.

Dear World: I am SCARED

I am scared to get a job and be heldback from advancing because of my SKIN.

I am scared that If I fall in love with a BLACK Man that I will get high blood pressure from worrying about his life when he leaves the house, wondering if he will return home ALIVE.

I am scared to bring a child into this world who shares the same skin as me because I am scared that you won’t love them.

I am scared that my child will have to deal with racism and prejudice.

I am scared that if I don’t give my child a caucasian name that they will be withheld from certain opportunities because of how “NEGRO” the name they would be blessed with will sound.

I am scared that name calling, favouritism and fear will be instilled into the mind of my child WITHOUT my consent.

AND

Because I am scared and because I am Tired

Sometimes I feel like I am not enough.

They expect Black women to be so STRONG, FEARLESS, TOUGH and EMOTIONLESS .

But I am NOT HER.

Dear World, I cant stop crying.

I cant stop crying because I don’t know what to do.

I cant stop crying because even though God has not given me the spirit of fear, I sometimes fear.

I cant stop crying because I cant handle all the blood shed.

I cant stop crying because I cant handle the INJUSTICE.

I cant stop crying because I cant handle all the PAIN.

Too many mothers are losing their sons.

Too many mothers are losing their daughters.

Too many children are growing up without a father, taken by the cops, incarcerated or Killed.

Dear World, what can we do?

I am sick and tired of seeing black women only acknowledged for our bodies as sexual entities, our hands as tools to craft in the aesthetics, our strength to raise the children of others and our feet to walk around cleaning up after everyone’s mess.

I am sick and tired of seeing black men only acknowledged for their hands to shoot the hoops that makes the “MASSA” millions, their looks to help pro-create used to potentially add an “exotic” touch in the creation of a child, their strength to do the “dirty” work they’re subjected to when some places refuse to hire them.

I am SICK.

I am Tired.

I am trying to be strong.

I am trying to hold on.

I am looking for a way out, especially in the moments when there is nothing left in me but a painful shout.

Dear World,

I will not fall into the stereotypes labeled upon my life.

Dear World,

I will use my VOICE to spread Faith over Fear and Mending over Pain.

Dear World,

I will be what they said I couldnt.

DEAR WORLD, IM TIRED.

But I refuse to give up.