You’re Pretty.. For A Black Girl

Have You ever had someone come up to you, smile in your face then proceed to admire your features and/ hair texture then go on to say….

“What is your background?

Your hair is so nice..

Why are you so light?

Are you sure you’re not Mixed with something?

You don’t look Full Jamaican..”

One of the most confusing conversations I have had is with other human being, whether black, white, asian, south asian, the conversation about race, ethnicity and color becomes very tricky and almost controversial conversation piece.

My Mom told me when I was born, because of the colour of my grandfather everyone thought I was going to be dark. Having a grandfather whose Melanin SEVERELY popped ( RIP Grandpa Harper), people assumed that one of Gary and Lorna’s daughters were bound to have their grandfathers darker skinned genes and redefine the meaning of a Dark Skinned Sista.

I was told stories about my adolescent years of people telling my mom I was going to “get dark” or that I wasn’t as cute   as my sister because I had more negro features. My eyes didn’t slant like my sisters and I was not as light as she was. My parents went from having a porcelain doll as their first child to then having a regular normal looking black baby.

” Shes a Ugly Baby”

One woman once told my mom.

The features that made me look the most black weren’t the ones that made me “unique”.

Going into Middle School and High School having longer hair than a bunch of the girls around me made people automatically assume I was mixed with something.

There was NO way this black girl could be that complexion, have hair that length and be Black.

There was NO way.

I was told I don’t look Jamaican, told I was too light to be Jamaican, my nose was too straight, my hair wasn’t “nappy” enough.. you name it.

I saw one of the realist posts I have seen in a very long time on Instagram the other day and it basically stated.

“Stop Asking Black Girls If They are Mixed Because you find them attractive, as if Caucasian Blood is some magic potion that grants beauty”

 

wow.

It’s so Saddening that society attributes beauty with being half breed, half of one nationality and half of another. They make it seem that to be 100% of one nationality is a downfall and doesn’t allow you to be seen as desirable or as captivating as your mixed counterparts.

I remember in Grade 5

Her name was Latiesha.

She was stunning, long honey blonde hair, Hazel eyes.

All the Boys

White, Black, Asian..

YOU NAME IT * Dramatic SHIRLEY CAESAR VOICE*

I was envious of her, I hated the fact that everyone liked her, everyone wanted to be around her and Ryan, my grade 5 crush had a thing for her.

OFF TOPIC: Ryan was a BABE! He was a good height, Blonde with Blue eyes had the perfect mushroom cut and wore Levi’s and Filas.

He was then my dream man, considering I lived in Mississauga and there was little to NO Black boys where we lived.

Back to the point at hand.

It’s not that I wasn’t pretty growing up, I just wasn’t Lateisha. 

Skipping a few years into Grade 8, I went to a school in Woodbridge, predominantly  Italian to be exact. My family had just moved into my grandparents while our new house in Brampton was being built.

This was the time in my life when I had long hair that was mostly braidly I wasnt really into myself then and didn’t think of my hair as anything special.

I remember the cold shrugs I received from the other black girls, the glares that they gave me as if I thought I was better than them because I was lighter and had longer hair. I grew up in a house where my mom and dad never taught us to think of ourselves more highly than our counterparts. I didn’t think I was prettier or better than any girl who was darker than me or didn’t have the same texture hair that I did.

“She Looks Stush”

“She Probably thinks she’s the Ish”

“There’s no way your face looks like that and you’re black”

Even within our own community we have made each other feel inadequate. I’ve seen girls who are lighter receive preferential treatment from guys and even other girls all due to their “Lack of Melanin”.

I consider myself to be MOCHA.

Refusing to fall into this Light SKin vs Dark SKin Crap that I see all over Social Media.

It’s even more depressing to see Instagram groups catered towards

Dark Skinned Baddies, Light Skinned Bombshells, TeamDarkskin Beauties 

Pages segregating black woman and highlighting  the features of some and ignoring the features of others are taking over Social Media outlets.

We are made to feel that unless were a “black woman” and look a certain way then we aren’t as desirable. I used to always wish I was mixed, I would buy the wet and wavy weave, put in hazel contacts and even hibernate during the summer to avoid potential chances of getting darker and turning an ugly dark grey.

I had an identity crisis, I wanted to be something I wasn’t  to attract guys who were evidently not meant for me. I never felt Ugly, I just felt like I could look and even feel better.

4a Curl Pattern

Mocha Skin

Big Eyes

Full Lips

I’m Pretty. Period.

Not Pretty For a Black Girl.

 

 

 

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They Lied.. Good Girls DO Finish Last

The Saying ” Good Guys Finish Last” is so fitting not only for males but also for females.

Growing up your parents tell you to go to school, get a good education, wait till marriage, don’t cuss, eat your greens and give back to charity. They tell you that by you doing the right things in life that GOD     would bless you  and your life will be ideal and fulfilling.

That was a LIE.

I assure you, since the day I was born I have been trying to do above and beyond all my parents asked to be the “perfect” child and have the “perfect” life.

I use the word perfect very LOOSELY.

I promise you I stayed away from guys, I stayed in my books, spent my summers reading and doing math and phonics while my friends were outside playing in the dirt and  sand.

I was forced to do homework.

I tried to find a good wholesome Christian guy, one who loves the Lord and is active in his church community , one whose Love for God exceeds his lustful desires and even his love for me.

I promise you, I tried.

An old colleague from University sent me a snapchat of a series of tweets about “Good Girls” vs “Bad Girls” and it had me thinking.

Like Really Really Thinking.

While sitting in my car on the way to the movies I was so deep in thought I couldn’t even concentrate on the music playing on the radio because my mind was literally wandering.

What if All the things I’ve been doing my whole life in hopes of becoming the perfect child and potential wife were all in vain?

What if mastering the art of trying to be the perfect woman does not guarantee  me the white picket fence and the and the handsome successful husband with pearly white teeth, 1 6 figure income and undeniable love for me.

I’ve come to realize that it is less about what you do and what potential YOU think you have, or how good your Shepherd’s Pie is, how good you can mop a kitchen floor or how nice you can hit the high notes on Alicia Key’s song “No One”..

None of that means anything anymore and I realize everyday that as woman we try to do the most and be the most for men we put on pedestals and praise as if they are God, these same men whose body count exceed the hundreds, have 2 baby mommas, 4 side chicks and 1 official unofficial girl.

We try way too hard.

We assume that the girls who are sexually liberated will be the last ones to get married because of the lifestyle they choose to live. We think that because they’re more open and outgoing with their sexual preferences, have semi vulgar mouths and rather spend their Saturday nights at the club then at home with a good book that the chances of them getting “wifed/ booed” up is slimmer.

FICTION.

So many celebrities have attested to this claim. Ive literally seen not only celebrities but people I’ve gone to school with, girls who I was led to believe were not the ideal “wife” or “mother” get engaged, then married and start a beautiful family.

We as women are made to believe that we have to do everything right to please the men around us, made to feel as if only when we become this perfect submissive woman that our KNIGHT in Shining Armour will come and sweep us off our feet.

Its unfortunate that the man can be flawed, he can have bad habits, he can have the worst personality, he could even have bad hygiene .. BUT we are not said to be a complete woman UNTIL we meet him, secure him and potentially marry him.

 

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3

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Staying Pure, Being Nice, Eating Your Greens and Giving Back like Mother Teresa no longer guarantees you’re a “catch” like it used too when I parents were younger and looking for mates/spouses.

You can be the most educated woman in a room with the “most” to offer and still end up lonely at night eating a Tub of Ben and Jerry’s crying while watching “This is Us” on Netflix.

We need to stop doing things to please men Ladies. Our actions don’t always guarantee that we will be the needle he picks out of the haystack of woman.

I am a firm believer in what is meant for you will NEVER pass you by, and what leaves wasn’t meant to be.

Sometimes It has nothing to do with how good or bad the life you are living is and more on what the other person wants.

Not every guys wants the Virgin Mary.

Not every guy wants a woman who rather stay home than go out and party.

Not every guy wants a “Modest Martha” or a “Saved Savvy”.

Not every guy wants the good girl who did everything the “RIGHT” way.

Once the “Good Girls” come to realize that they’re not every man’s preference I believe there will be less stress on trying to be this perfect “Stepford Wive” and more desire on trying to be the best woman they can be for them.

Be the best you for YOU.

Dress the Best for YOU.

Eat the best for YOU.

With or without a man’s validation ladies we are virtuous and worth more than we know.

So If me trying to stay home and read a book instead of being a pawty animal makes me boring, If going to church on Sundays makes me a “square”, If trying to live my life a certain way makes me dull.. SO be it.

I don’t mind.

Good Girls may apparently Finish Last.

BUT not this One. (If I Still get considered into the Good Girls Club That is )

 

 

 

xoxo

Lici.

 

Restaurant Review: Patois

Out of All The Places I experienced this summer I kept forgetting to document my experiences and my input on how I feel the food did or did not taste.

Yesterday I accidently stumbled upon a place that funny enough had heard about many times but never had the time to look into to be able to indulge.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, Patois is

a :a dialect other than the standard or literary dialect
b :uneducated or provincial speech
Sunday October 22nd I accidently ended up at Patois when racing to get to Old School to have brunch. The doors were initially locked but I was informed that the restaurant doesn’t open until 5pm. After aimlessly wandering around the downtown core occasionally stopping to bash in my own vanity and take some pictures for the “Gram”, I was greeted at 4:58 by an open door and a very cheerful gentleman.
After a quick washroom break I was greeted with a nice Cold Cup of San P.

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Patois 

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After lusting over half the menu for almost 10 minutes I finally decided on the Jerk Chicken Chow Mein as my Entree but felt peckish and ordered something to hold me until it came.

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Rum Punch: Earl Grey Steeped Havana Club 3 year, Orange Pineapple +Lemon

I haven’t told many people but I cut out eating beef and pork from my diet to help in aiding my ” J to Vegan”. CM got the Jamaican Patty Double Down: 2 cocktail patties, bacon, swiss cheese fondue and sriracha something I was tempted to get but so dedicated to not eating beef that I had to let that fantasy go.

Not trying to make me feel left out, our amazing server suggested the Curry Goat Doubles with ChickPeas and a Slaw.

From the half of a half of a half of a bite I had

AH-MAZING

Being the Seafood lover that I am , The Bay Scallop and Shrimp Ball :c-plus gastrique, chinese red vinegar gave me all types of flavour profiles and was literally a walk down memory lane for me.

I remember going to Markham with my dad as a child and getting shrimp and fish balls from Pacific Mall, this Ball reminded me so much of those moments.

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Only merely denting as whole in my broadened appetite, we then went on to ordering the main course.

chick

OG Fried Chicken with the Watermelon Pickle.

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MC decided he wanted the half of the OG Fried Chicken while I was determined to try the Jerk Chicken Chow Mein that was on the Features Menu.

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Jerk Chicken Chow Mein: Crispy Egg Noodles with pulled jerk chicken Shiitake , Bok Choy & Oyster Sauce.

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Believe me when I say the picture serves this noodle delight NO justice. One thing I LOVE is Crispy Noodles and mixed with the Oyster Sauce and the mushrooms I was in heaven. Even though I picked all the chicken out ( My Vegetarian Friends would be proud), It was definitely one of the best crispy noodle Chow Meins I have had in a long time. Even though I had to almost force myself to eat it all I refused to waste anything especially when my heart was set on having dessert.

french1

Cookie Butter French Toast

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I have never ever had hong kong style french toast, BUT I can assure you this will not be my last time having it. That was honestly the BEST French Toast I have had in ages ( even though it was very sweet). The flavour was delicious and the maple syrup on top added so much to the overall taste. It was so good and so sweet that I couldn’t even finish it all and had to give most of it away afraid I would awaken my sweet tooth I’ve been trying to kill.

Overall Experience: 9/10

Everything was amazing from the seat location, to the service to the food, even down to the Sparkling water.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

card

Check them out online at

Patois Website

Instagram

 

xoxo.

Lici.

Cuffing Season Chronicles: ” Hey Bighead”

Heat means :

LESS CLOTHES

BLASTED AC

BEACH AND POOL PARTIES

… and ..

Commitment Issues

The strong doses of heat mixed with the sweet taste of summery Bellini’s, shirtless gym rats and bikini babes, has been proven to cause the human brain to…

How can I say this nicely….

FRY!

Summer happens to be the #1 time when relationships magically “fail” or go on “hold”.

I think we should see other people”

Its not you.. Its me”

I think we need to take a break

I don’t want to break your heart but I need to work on ME

 

Heat messes with the molecular structure of the human brain <- I was trying to sound smart.

I know by now you’re anticipating the direction of this conversation, probably wondering what point I am trying to make with all this talk.

Be Patient.

I believe that “Cuffing Season” is one of the most ignored seasons worldwide. As soon as it starts to get chilly outside, mammals tend to crave intimacy. Hugs, Kisses, Cuddles.. you name it.

 

The weather affects us more than we know it.

There is a desire for freedom and independence that summer brings. Schools out, summer vacation starts and everyone just wants to do their own thing for one reason or another. Monogamy becomes a old folks tale, something that used to be done back in the days by the “elders”.

Because there is so much going on around the world and even locally in Toronto in the Summer, many feel that being single is more beneficial.

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for Free … Analogy comes into play here.

A prime time for not wanting a relationship is during “Caribana” as we Torontonians call it. I believe this is one of the major local and international events that ooze not only sexuality but also promiscuity and breeds “single”  individuals. Males and Females forget their relationship status all in the name of the “wickedest Wuk”.

Wickedest Wuk: The Best Gyration or pelvic to behind movement that one can possibly receive.

I don’t know If there is something about summer lovin that suppressing the desire for commitment…or what..

What is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing Season is the period between fall and winter when people seek to find companionship. Cuffing Season usually begins in the Fall time and ends before Spring fully ends.

 

When is the best time to “cuff”?

Personal Studies have shown that the best cuffing time is when the weather is colder as it is the prime time when the need for intimacy and closeness is. In the summer we tend to want space because of the heat but as it gets cold and fall and winter jackets are needed humans and animals crave closeness.

 

Its at this time when the ” Hey Big Head” ” How are you Stranger” ” You forgot about me already” texts and Dm’s start to float in. The guys/ girls that you thought fell off or decided to stop “shooting their shot” seem to come back In full force to claim who or even what they want.  In the summer times Dm’s are usually dominated by “thirst” based off beach selfies, skimmy selfies or even greased ab selfies.

I guess It’s more lust based then. Meaning that “Cuffing” in the winter time is more relationally based?

False.

I think that No one wants to watch Netflix and Chill Alone, some people enjoy the company of others. With Thanksgiving, Christmas New Year’s and Valentine’s Day being in the colder months of the year I think people just want to have that special someone to share those major holidays with. As soon as V-day is done and the weather starts to warm up a bit the same cycle happens again and people forget the joys and excitement that comes with being “cuffed”.

With “Cuffing Season” literally a week away I thought I would give some Tips and Tricks on how YOU can get cuffed this season OR Cuff someone.

Q1.Where can I find Someone to Cuff?

Dating Sites, Local Events, Social Media and even Church ( believe it or not) are Prime places to meet someone “cuff” worthy.

Q2. Who Should You Cuff?

Cuffing may be something being done for temporary or even long term fulfillment. When deciding that it is something you want to do you need to know what you want out of it and ensure that the person whom you “shack” up with has the same intentions as you. We don’t want any hearts to be broken.  Look for someone who is like minded. If you are looking for a quick “fix” another individual who isn’t seeking long term commitment would be ideal. You need to find someone who you can  figuratively and emotionally complete you and agrees with what you agree with. 

Q3. What Does “Cuffing” Entail? What are the Perks?

Cuffing includes but is not limited too casual outings, Movie Time, Spooning, Couples Massages, Long Walks on the Beach, Bike Rides, Paint and Sip Workshops and Dave and Busters Binging. The Perks of Cuffing can range from Monetary Compensation to Sexual Gratification and even a bed buddy for the cold winter nights. 

Q4 What Do You have to do to Ensure You get Cuffed?

This is the most simple. Be open and available.

That guy who has been diving into your DM’s since 2015 who you have been curving…

That girl who takes selfies on her dirty bathroom sink who has a cute face , chubby waist thick legs in shape…..

That guy whose mixtape has been dropping but you have yet to hear it…

That girl who has 40k IG followers and has booking Info in her Bio

The Guy who has 4 baby mommas and hasn’t been in a relationship in over 5 years

If you continue to curve every person who tries to talk to you, If you act “stush” as my Jamaican ancestors would call it or if you make yourself un-approachable then you could withhold your chances.

 

“To that Guy whose been insta-stalking that IG Baddie with the 30 inch Brazilian..

To the Girl who keeps liking all his IG pictures hoping he will like one back…”

 

Shoot your Shot. You’ll never know 

Its Cuffing Season.. Will you Cuff or be Cuffed?

 

 

Chances Are… You’re a Side Chick

Urban Dictionary.com defines a “Side Chick” as

the other woman; also known as the mistress; a female that is neither a male’s wifeor girlfriend who has relations with the male while he is in another relationship
Kimmy: Look at Tina and Josh…are they going out?
Sally: No Kimmy! Josh is datingLaura. Tina is just his sidechick.
From reading the above, TWO words stood out to me in two mini sentences. ( if that makes sense)
“neither wife” . “neither girlfriend”
The main idea behind being a side chick baffles me. I guess I just can’t, or should I say couldn’t fathom how any girl could willingly entertain a man SHE knows is taken.
I told myself for years I would never allow any man to play me for a fool, never take second place because I knew my worth and knew I was a main chick or nothing.
I never had issues getting guys so I thought I would never had to be put in a situation where I am a “side chick”.
I’m a selfish person when it comes to what’s “mine” or who I want. I don’t like to share my significant other with anyone at any time unless it’s me sharing their time and energy with the kids we would make together.
Other than the above I never considered myself “side chick” material bad talked girls I knew who proudly played their side chick position to a T.
Like I have referenced in many posts, I am always so quick to judge someone before I myself end up in that same predicament.
A little while ago, ( date, year and time will remain undisclosed) I found myself a predicament that I had no business in.
*Slowly Airs Out My Dirty Laundry*
It’s always the person, thing or places we say we never want to go too or be around that we always end up mixed up in and with.
At one point in my life I was a PROUD side-chick. <- may  be over-exaggerating just a bit.
Imagine that eh! ( typical Canadian Slang) I Alicia Sarah Harper, who grew up in a good Christian home was a side chick.
So here’s the 4-1-1  with LIMITED details.
” So there was this guy, who I liked, had feelings for him and all that Jazz. Only issue was… he had a Girlfriend.. and I knew about her too. I don’t remember how long they were dating but I can assure you she was all over his IG and visa versa. Being the persistent female I am I refused to accept that chance that he had found someone else, when I had liked him for a HOT minute. In my mind she wasn’t prettier than me and I knew him longer So my inner savage didn’t care If I was potentially breaking up a “happy” home. I swear he was like a drug, a needle I was sharing with another junkie passing him back and forth too high, unaware that he was being shared. I played my part, to the outside world we had no communication, but our conversations said otherwise. There were days that I would want to see him and I couldn’t because he was with her. Times when I wanted to pop by his house but she was there, and I was far from messy and did not want any drama so I would stay home. I allowed him to play me, shoot I allowed him to play her too.
DUMB.
I wanted to tell my friends about him, but I knew how dumb I would look If they knew I was messing around with a fully relational man. “
I was once that girl that thought It would be “cool” to take a man from a girl. I was that girl who cared only about her own feelings and could care less if someone else got hurt, as long as I was happy.
I believe in Karma and I believe that whatever you reap is what you’re going to sew. The emotional distress I sewed I reaped In the end. The promises of ” Im going to leave her for you, just give me time, I don’t want to hurt her” Plagued my mind and gave me hope for then EMPTY promises.
Promises I didn’t deserve because I was becoming a woman scorned. A person I told myself was unlike my character and against my beliefs.
It so sad to see the measures that we as women are willing to take to hold on to a man. I guess because there are like 10 women per man we feel like we have to do the MOST just to sustain our position in his life.
A wise wise woman once told me that whats meant for ME would always be for ME and that I wouldn’t have to fight, cuss, “skin out” or go against what I believe and feel just to keep what God destined for my life. Sometimes I find we overcompensate in hopes that in the end we come out on top, HBIC.. or whatever that Abbreviation is.

 

It’s sickening that we live In a world that praises side-chicks and has walks, Social Media pages and appreciation for woman who NEVER get the main title. I mean getting his love and affection is good and dandy and all that until he has to go back home to the woman who claims him as her own.

“Why be the yellow starburst when you can be the pink one”

It makes no sense settling for 2nd best if you know for yourself you deserve nothing but the best. The realization of who I was and what I was worth and helped me to remove myself from a situation that was bound to end up with me being emotionally destroyed and hurt. I am not knocking Side Chicks If there’s an agreement that’s set up and it works for both parties then do you boo boo.

I just know from personal experience that it NEVER ends well.

If you know you’re a Filet Mignon why accept Ground Beef Treatment?

Temporarily it may feel good, there may be “perks” and you may even think in the end you will win but why take the chance of a “What If” or a “Maybe”.

Disclaimer/SideNote/Moment Of Truth: Its situations like these that have motivated me to write a book, I guess I’ve felt led to share my life lessons and experiences with everyone, If my mistakes can help others not make the same then that would mean the most. <- Stay Tuned Coming 2018.

Why be the girl that only gets
  • Dates after 8
  • No Public Affection
  • Label-less relationships
  • “No Pictures Please” responses
  •  Never get to meet the Family

 

If any of the above Happen to be your current situation..

Chances Are, You’re a Side Chick.

I HATE Social Media

Yes.

I will be the First to Admit It

I HATE SOCIAL MEDIA.

I hate Facebook, I hate Twitter, Turned off By SnapChat and Loathe Instagram.

I hate how consumed and dependant we are on social media.

I hate that I wake up in the morning, and before I thank my creator for life I click to check my Instagram newsfeed to see how many likes my recent picture got.

I hate that I care about peoples opinions of me on Social Media, and that If my followers list doesn’t exceed a certain amount I feel like people don’t like me and thats probably why thy refuse to follow me.

I hate that I want the world to think Im perfect, not perfect perfect but flawless almost.

I hate that I only want people to see me at my best, when my outfits look a certain way, or my hair is laid.

I hate that I feel that If my pictures lack a certain amount of sex appeal people will think I am boring , dull or basic.

I hate that I see people living a certain lifestyle and it makes me feel like I’m not good enough or even that I am not working as hard as I should be.

I see people living what seems to be these perfect lives filled with designer clothes, shoes and luxury cars and often question how far am I willing to go to get the life I see others live.

I hate that I cut my hair, and even though it was my own decision and is something I try to deal with everyday, I hate that seeing woman around me with longer hair makes me feel unsure and insecure about what I don’t have.

I hate when people draw attention to my relationship status or try to make me feel as if I am incomplete or “diseased” because I don’t have a significant other.

I hate Instagram Filters, and how they can make or break my pictures drawing attention to some flaws and highlighting some problem areas.

I hate the pressure I feel to make it.

I hate that some days im proud of my complexion and other days Im not

I hate that social media makes me feel that I’m too dark too be “light skinned” but not dark enough to be dark skinned.

I hate that some days I am made to feel that having natural hair is a blessing, but then other days it’s a curse

I hate the pressures social media puts on me to “filter” my face with apps that hide my scars and blemishes, because if people see the real me… they may not “LIKE” me.

 

Hate that more people believe in me than I do myself.

I hate that my desire to make it is so strong that It makes me cry when life doesn’t go my way.

I hate the memories that linger on Facebook, The pictures of ex lovers and Long long friends.

I hate being reminded of my past by posts from 2,3,4 or 5 years ago .

 

I hate that I can’t be where I want to be because of financial obligations and travel restraints.

I hate that fact that in the midst of it all , between hating and juggling 4 Instagram pages , a YouTube channel and Facebook account that I still let social media “run” my life .

I hate that we have become so brainwashed as a society by social media that woman and men are looking up to ” Instagram “celebrities who elude a certain lifestyle that is 100% fake and all done for the “Gram”.

I hate that we’re out here spending our hard earned money on clothes and shoes to impress people we never met and don’t know .

“DO IT FOR THE GRAM”

 

I miss the days when life was simple .

The days when it didn’t matter if you had 1000 followers or 0.

I miss the days when I didn’t care about what other people thought or didn’t think about who I was .

I miss the days when my taste of luxury came from reading Gossip Girl books, but still I remained humble and appreciative of what I had .

I miss my childhood , days when I had imagination and creativity shooting through me.

This isn’t a post to ask for attention ,

give off a bitter impression

Or show signs of regression.

I guess you could call this a transparent moment . A rant even.

So forgive me if I come across abrasive , condemnatory, despondent or annoying…

 

I can’t help it .

I hate social media .

But I need It.

I need my Snapchat to vent, my Instagram to advertise and my Facebook to talk to my family across the world.

Ugh, I hate social media.

But I love it .

Looks With Lici: Summatime Edition

As a Food Faith and Fashion Blog I realized I've spent most of my posts on things to do with food and my faith and even personal experiences and have neglected s the fashion component of my blog.

Last weekend I shot with who I believe to be one of Toronto's top 10 best photographers Emmanuel also known as @1000amps_ 

Emmanuel has been one of my newest go to photographers because I feel he captures the essence of what I am trying to portray at any and every shoot that I do with him. Last week I went for a more casual but fashionable look with my 3 outfit changes that I did during our 2.5 hour shoot. I feel like a lot of people see me as overly conservative, someone whose outfit choices are predictable.

As much as my inner Beyonce wanted to do a swimsuit or Lingerie shoot and show the world whats being hidden underneath all these clothes.. My Inner Mother Teresa had to kick in and tell me to relax myself.

The Theme for my Shoot was "Looks With Lici: Summa-Time Edition", It was a chance for me to showcase some of the clothes that have been collecting cobwebs in my closet all while finding an excuse to get my makeup and hair done.

Special Shout-Outs to Shanna my amazing makeup Artist for the Slay

You can find her work on her Instagram page here

 

For this shoot I wore 3 different ensembles that highlighted three different styles that I try and re-create.

My first Look was a more daring " I wannabeRiRiButImNotAboutThatLife" Look

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I wanted to look edgy but at the same time still give off the illusion of class.

outfit11

I paired a Rocker Tee with a over sized Denim Coat Stolen from my Moms Closet and a Caged Corset Belt. Trying to add a little "class" to my ensemble I threw on a pair of Cinderella "Glass" Slipper pumps. Because I am all about branding and promoting my own brand, I had to slip on my SbySim Shades  to complete the look.

Shirt/Dress: ASOS

Jeans Jacket: Moms Closet 

Corset Belt: @Kannbutik

Heels: CAPE ROBBIN

Glasses: @SBYSIMM

My Second Look was more "Conservative"  in my opinion. My Go to clothing pieces are always higher waisted body-con skirts, as they hide my mini pudge and give the illusion of my waist being slimmer than it is. My mom recently picked up a super cheap Black Skirt over the last few days which happened to fit me like a glove.

YESSS MOM!

Pairing it with super old but super cute denim and leather bustier I slipped into some old Thick heeled pumps and called it a day.

OUTFIT23

If you guys knew how old that bralette top was, It used to match the cutest Denim/Leather Skirt.

R.I.P.

OUTFIT22

 

OUTFIT21

Top: ASOS

Skirt: GUESS

Heels: ALDO SHOES

Sunnies: MY MOMS CLOSET

 

Rapping the shoot up, we decided to switch locations and drive somewhere a bit more accommodating for the look I was going for with outfit number 3. In Mississauga there happened to be a Latin Festival going on by the Living Arts Center where I wanted to take the last of my pictures.

Being the natural comedian that I am I made it a must to take some pictures that looked Latin inspired to enhance my Ruby Red outfit. By this time I was dying of heat stroke, my makeup was "oxidizing" and my hair was blowing with the wind… and not in a good way.

Because of the clothes and shoes I had congregating in the front of the jeep I couldn't even plug my curling wand in to give myself a touch up.

OUTFIT32

No one could tell me I wasn't channeling my inner Mamacita when I was taking my pictures. I was having too much fun if you ask me.

The most exciting thing Is finding certain pieces for cheap prices  especially when you're working with a budget, which is what I try to do weekly when I am shopping for myself. I'm not Rich and I don't care to fake the funk.. I like sales, I like deals and there are certain stuff I WILL NOT spend money on.

I bought this skirt online a few weeks back and found the perfect red top to match with it ( in my mom's closet). Knowing that just like half the clothes that I buy and never wear, I had to get a wear or two out of this one before I retired it to my closet.

OUTFIT33

Top: MOMS CLOSET

Skirt: PRETTY LITTLE THINGS

Heels: ZARA 

I pride myself In explaining that you don't have to spend thousands of dollars to look good and each of my ensembles is a prime example of this. I love to shop, I love to look good but I won't spend hundreds of dollars on one piece knowing I can get 5-6 pieces that can achieve a look that gives off the impression that it was costly when it was under 500$.

Who doesn't like to get the Look For Less?

OUTFIT31

OUTFIT24outfit13

 

 

Thick Chicks are In Now???

One of the most ANNOYING feelings is being judged based on something you have NO control over.

Having a certain body type can be a blessing but also a curse. It sucks that something thats in most cases is  genetics and uncontrollable can be such a controversial issue and a “hinderance”.

Growing up,my body fluctuated ALL THE TIME.

When I first started “sprouting” or should I say before my body became what it is today I was that TALL Slim Girl. The one In the class pictures who stood in the middle, the one who all the boys made fun of or were afraid to talk too because I was either their height or taller.

I have always had an internal battle with my height and weight. I was always either feeling that I was too slim or at one point even getting too big. Being tall and “fat” was not attractive to me and I didn’t want others around me to view me how I viewed myself . My belly seemed to keep expanding yet my hips and boobs remained unmoved..

Figures.

Every woman has that one thing about herself that she feels less confident about ..it may not necessarily be something that she’s insecure about but more so something that she wish she could change or rearrange about herself.

I remember being in grade 8 and thinking that maybe I should stuff my bras because all my friends has boobs while I was stuck on sports and training bras.  I remember taking my grade 8 school picture and getting the proofs back only to see two sunflower seeds sticking out from my tan La senza Girl Shirt.  I knew I wasn’t ugly my hair was thankfully long and luscious then, but that meant nothing when all the guys around me found favour and amusement in the “developed” girls.

I couldn’t be more than 13 and was at church one Sunday Night, seated beside my sister and my friends someone imitated a then version of what we now know as “Smash or Pass”.

We were supposed to be paying attention to the service but being the hormonal kids we were, what was being preached was the last thing on our minds. I remember the guys rating my group of friends and I , my rating becoming significantly lower because of my last of breasts and filled out hips. I was insulted. I was angered at how shallow and blind these young boys were.

Did they not see my clothes and shoes?

Was my Mary J Blige flip out hair do not captivating enough?

Back then body image was viewed almost the same way it’s viewed now. The curvier more filled out females who have the perfect Hour Glass Shape get the most love.

Welp.
The Day Puberty hit me

it

HIT ME!

This once 00 bean stalk filled out in all the places I didn’t think I would. I never felt so beautiful in my life. The hips I had that were hidden finally decided to sprout, my behind filling out perfectly with it. I will never forget the day , Grade 11 summer going into grade 12, I guess God heard my internal cries because my hips and booty became POPPIN! This once strong bean got some bawdy hunty!

 

YESSUHHHH!

 The day my body filled out, the day that I was hoping and praying for became a blessing and a curse.

I HATE double standards. I hate when one thing is okay for someone and it’s not okay for someone else .

The day my body filled out was the day I got judged in so many ways.

“She’s having sex… look at her hips”

“The dress is nice but it draws too much attention to your hips”

“That outfit looks innapropriate because you have too much….”

Those were just SOME of the comments I got once my body filled in. The annoyance and double standard I faced for a body that I didn’t even think I would get.

I now speak for all the girls who like myself have a certain body type that they cant control. I speak for the girls with the 42 hips who deal with a constant struggle to slip into a pair of Zara and H&M jeans. One thing I hate is that we get the bad end of the stick, we have to deal with struggling to get our clothes to fit us the way we want them too and have to deal with in some cases attention we don’t want from people we don’t want the attention from just because of our body type.

Imagine me, 5’11 with 90% of my body fat being in my lower half, from the waist up looking like I am slimmer than I really am. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my body and am thankful everyday that I was blessed with what I have NATURALLLY .. But It often times becomes an issue not even to myself but to others around me who feel intimidated, annoyed or uncomfortable with what I have.

A girl can wear the same dress as me and have a smaller body type, the dress be GLUED onto her skin and its okay… but let me put that same dress on and it becomes and immediate issue.

DOUBLE STANDARDS!

The thing that angers me the most. If its not okay for me its not okay for anyone. Selfish? Maybe? But I have a valid point brewing.

Different men are turned on by different things. I have a friend whose boyfriend prefers breasts over booty and I know other guys who don’t care if their girl is an A cup or can only fit in sports bras they only care about the JUNK she’s carrying in her trunk.

With that being said for people to tell me that by me wearing certain stuff Its not appropriate ( obviously they’re females saying this) It makes me question if they know the minds of all men or if they are projecting their thoughts based on their own personal insecurities.

These same girls who will complain and nit pick about the things I wear and try to make me feel unsure and insecure about my body are the same girls who follow Dr. Miami on Snapchat saving their coins to get Brazilian Butt Lifts and S-curve surgeries.

THE IRONY

Other the years despite my intense weight fluctuation  I have grown to love my sometimes size 8 sometimes size 10 body regardless of the comments and snares of the irrelevant.

As I Jump to get into my Fashion Nova jeans semi bending my shellac and bio gel manicure In the process I stare at my booty in the mirror, smile flip my Brazilian 22 inch weave over my shoulders and say to myself

THICK CHICKS ARE IN NOW??

 

 

 

 

 

 

Operation Body TIGHT &RIGHT!: Journey To 150..5

Next to my bank statement, my weight is the next thing that fluctuates the MOST in my life.

I remember in grade 9, being a double ZERO slim and trim with a head full of hair and  mouth bombarded with braces. Over the last 15 years I have gone from very slim to slim.. to getting a little meat on my bones to now being thick..

NOT Slim Thick.. THICK!.

178 pounds to be exact.

I know.. wow a female actually admitted her weight

SHOCKER!!!!!!!

You could imagine the horror I felt weighing myself having just been 155 pounds in 2016. Food somehow became my best friend, late night road gatherings my comfort.

How did this 5’11 girl go from 155 to almost 180 pounds?

I am an emotional eater, I have concluded that when I am happy..

I EAT!

The second I get sad or someone breaks my heart I cant even drink a cup of water properly.

Side Note: Maybe I need to be sad more often?

 The older you get the slower your metabolism is. I am 4 years from 30. I CANT afford to get fat now. I need my body to remain the way it is until I get married and have kids.

I’ve always had issues with my weight growing up , not like serious serious issues but enough issues to cause me to have moments of insecurity and uncertainty. There have been days when I was happy with the way my body was looking and then other days when I felt I had a little too much cushion for the pushing. 

Every summer I tell myself I am going to work on my “beach body” get my abs right , bum tight  and calves pronounced. Every summer I tell myself I’m about to go crazy in the gym , sweat up a storm and perfect my body to the level I know it should be at … 

….and every year I do nothing. 

June 12th 2017 

The day I started “Journey to 150” 


Everyone has their personal feelings about personal trainers, some think they are the way to go others think they’re a waste of money.  When I reached out to a good friend about potentially training along with him at first I was scared, my body has always been a sensitive subject  and the thought of another man having to see all my imperfections ans flaws on a weekly basis caused me to be uneasy. 

I didn’t want anyone to know how much I weighed and how painful my weight gain was.  Being tall everyone assumes I can’t weigh more than a certain amount, laugh at me when I say I am on a diet and shake their head when I talk about the belly fat that I need to loose. 

Imagine being 5’11 and almost 200 pounds with a body type that harbours your fat in your hips, cheeks and belly. Having a family filled with “Big-Boned” woman doesn’t make it any easier on me. 

I promise you , even taking pictures of how I look now and seeing myself in the mirror I’m shocked at how I allowed myself to get to where I  am. In all 26 years of my life this has got to be the heaviest I have ever been … 

This journey is about to be painful, long and tiring but I’m excited for the results to come . 

Journey to 150.. I’m ready for you. 

Stay tuned for more updates, nutritional posts and videos of me attempting to workout 🙂 

Special shout outs to Nana from Road 2 Glory Fitness for helping me in my goal to achieve my ideal weight. 

Xoxo

Lici. 

S.E.X.

People put you on a pedestal as soon as you get a little bit of “fame” or have more than a certain amount of followers on social media . Sometimes being “known” isn’t as good as it sounds, and having people know your life story and your business could potentially backfire . 

I can assure you growing up I was a nobody. I was a regular tall, loud but quiet, shy but outgoing girl who felt fortunate to have had the world handed to her from a young age.

I wanted

For nothing . 

I had two supportive parents who made my sister and I their number 1 priorities ensuring we went to a good school, had clothes and food .

I don’t recall growing up and envying anyone for anything thy had . I was that at peace with my life. 

Getting older and becoming more aware of my surroundings and the pressures of society especially as a young black I started to see things that I never saw before . 

I was always that kid that had a bit too much energy, a broad imagination and a tad too much attitude. I wanted what I wanted , I liked what I liked and I was so secure in my thoughts . Granted I was the giant of the class with braces I knew who I was and I knew my capabilities.

Or so I thought. 

Imagine at the age of 11 having someone tell you that you aren’t as precious and talented and unique as you felt you were. 

Imagine having your thoughts and dreams shattered and being labeled as a Troubled child by someone who was set in place to help educate and protect you. 

Mr. Morris .. that was his name . 

The man who made me feel incompetent .

 

“You will never amount up to anything” “anyone who ever told you that you would lied” 

Detentions. Suspensions. You name it. 

He made me feel like the many years of private school and the decision  made to make me skip a grade  was a mistake. 

They didn’t know what they were doing .. how could they if he said that I’m a bad girl.

I promise you I cried so much then, distraught and emotionally scared at the words of a teacher. 

He hated me.

He hated the potential he saw in me to be someone . 

He hated that I wasn’t a pushover , took no crap from anyone and didn’t allow people to “run” me. 

That’s the number of times I got suspended between grade 6-8. 

Three. 

Believe me when I tell you I was NOT a bad child. I didn’t cuss off people. I did my homework and I was always on time for school. 

Misunderstood .

That’s it.

That’s what it had to have been. 

He couldn’t understand me . 

He wanted me to be a statistic. 

S. Surpassing 

Rejecting , renouncing and refusing to accept the words that were called upon my life. I wasn’t the troubled little girl that they made me out to be , I wasn’t confused, dangerous nor was I destructive. 

E.x. Expectations 

The mind set and ideals set up by society and those around me dictating what they thought I could and couldn’t do .

“They don’t want you to win” -DJ Khaled voice. 

 But I won anyways . 

They didn’t want me to graduate from High School.

But I did

They didn’t want me to get into university. 

But I did 

They didn’t want me to graduate  from   University. 

But I did

They thought it would end there .

They thought I would do nothing with my time. 

They didn’t want me to go back to school again.. 

But I did

They didn’t want me to graduate .. and with honours 

And I did

The mind sets of those around me were limited to what they thought they saw in me. They didn’t want to believe that I could be anything greater . 

At age 16 I finished high school.

Turning 17 only 2 months before my graduation. 

At age 23 I started my First business venture . 

By age 25 I had already had 2 business. 

If I had let the words and negativity of those around me get to me only GOD knows where I would be in my life right now. I decided to live by the acronym

 

S.E.X.

– Surpassing Expectation.. Rejecting the Negative Words called upon my life and EMBRACING the will and calling God placed on my life.

Remember I TOLD YOU.. Im going to make it big.

Live to S.E.X. <– puns intended.