Fighting Temptations: My Road to Celibacy

One of the hardest things to do is too stop doing something you’ve done . They said it takes 3 times to make something a habit.. or it is 3 months .. or was it 3 weeks.. 

we live in such a sexualized world .

It doesn’t matter what you look at or where you go sex is everywhere . 

From perfume advertisements to soda commercials.. sex sells .

BecAuse sex is everywhere directly and indirectly , saving yourself till marriage is so rare now . 

I remember growing up and rarely seeing any sexually dominated propaganda paraded. 

Even if there was any type of sexual messages they were so hidden that you would have to really read into stuff just to get the message. 

One thing about intimacy is that it’s addictive. Once you have sex at least once your body knows the feeling and almost like taking drugs you attempt to stop and your body caves in and you feel a sense of withdrawal. 
Everyone who decides to be sexually abstinent has their own personal reasons to accompany their drastic decision . 

I lost my virginity <- hate that word … at 19.. I think. Or maybe it was 18.. an age I didn’t anticipate to someone I had no intentions of giving it too ( no shade). He was my first REAL boyfriend . In my mind I was saving myself till marriage, sex being the farthest thing from my mind at the time. 

Yes, I did wonder , yes I did hope someone would “want” me but I was doing the GODLY thing. 
I didn’t wanna be a “fornicator” I didn’t want to let my parents down . I was so focused on finish up University and finding myself that when He came along I wasn’t ready for what having a REAL bf meant . 
I was playing house, doing the house wife duties things I thought were required to “keeping your man” . 

Having a special someone in your life really makes you think of things you wouldn’t have before . I was never pressured to have sex, never given an ultimatum or made to feel that if I didn’t do IT he would leave me .

“It just happened ” 

Literally . 
Soon my mind became consumed with thoughts surrounding sex.

I wondered if u sucked at it , I wondered if he would be the one and only guy I ever did anything with.. or If one day we would break up and I would find another . 

I finally got what all the fuss was about , I finally realized why so many girls and guys were sleeping around. 
Sex wasn’t too bad at all. 
It felt good .BUT the guilt burned inside of me everyday . Every time I even thought about it I felt bad . 

I felt like I was letting my family down. 

I felt like I had broken my promise to God .

I felt dirty. 
Now. 

At 26.

Telling people I’ve chosen To be celibate causes the MOST uproars . It’s a conversation piece . They look at me

, they look under their eyes . They laugh. They tell me I’m lying then they say 

“Good Luck”
I’ve had guys write me off for my decision, people call me a liar even fake. 

Overly religious .. that’s the word.

For not wanting every tom DICK and harry to be inside my temple… 
I’ve realized my worth, realized how precious and rare of Gem I am . 

I don’t want to be something everyone has had. 

I want to be something everyone would want but have to work to have . 
In the Bible Jacob had to work YEARS for Rachel. Even though his intentions were to marry her and they were good ones he didn’t just get her just by asking for her . 
I told myself I didn’t do it right the first time but the next time around it would be to someone who I see as my forever. 

So call my a spinster, laugh at my decision to wait again.. 

Heck if reading this makes you not want to pursue me so be it .. 

I’m just fighting temptations. 

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More than just my ASS-ets: woman in the workforce 

more than just my ass-ets

Being a woman is challenging.

From having to comb my hair, BEAT my face with makeup, deal with unannounced acne, ensure my nails and clothes are “appropriate”, and then the hardest of them all..

Having my male counterparts take me serious.

Being a woman in a male centered world has its challenges. Subconsciously I feel that everything we do as human indirectly is done to appease or cater to our male counterparts. Regardless of our credentials, compared to the males who surround us in the workplace our talents and gifts often go unnoticed and ignored.

Side Note: I am so thankful for having parents who never made me feel that as a woman my place was at home in a mans kitchen, lying in his bed, or cleaning in his laundry room. As I got older they never stressed the importance of me settling down and becoming domesticated. Education and Educational Advancement were always important to them and for as long as I can remember they PUSHED my sister and I to be the BEST we could be, getting the best of educations both in our young years and later in University.

It doesn’t just end at being a woman, if that was the case my worries wouldn’t be so high. Other than the natural feminine ambiance that sprays out when I walk into a room, there’s also the issues of having your male colleagues take you serious despite your obvious ASS-ets. Its so hard to decipher if a guy is being nice because he is generally an overall nice guy, or if he is being nice because he wants to get a taste…

of what.. I will never know.

I have always been that girl who has wanted to do so much with her life, I  have wanted the big car, big house, own my own company.. the works. I have been in a few jobs and seen the preferential treatment that the guys around me got all while having less experience, mileage and knowledge compared to me. Have I commented?

No.

Have I complained?

No.

When I saw them getting raises and my pay didn’t budge.. Did I lash out?

NO.

It pains me that when I want to stand up and out for myself and speak my mind or express my thoughts I may be seen as a “Angry Woman”. If I do too much or go above and beyond I will be seen as a suck up.. someone who kisses the ASS-ets of my Boss to further myself in the company.

When a woman advances too fast = sleeping with her boss

When a woman speaks up for herself= Miserable

When a woman has a good idea and its used= NO credit is given

Because of our stature many woman are subjected to sexual jokes, hit on and viewed as sexual entities instead of equal parts to their male associates. I promised myself that no matter the job if ANY man I ever worked with made me feel a certain way about myself, my body or my credentials…. He would REGRET IT!

I WISH.. the hardships of being a woman ended with period cramps and bra shopping. Sometimes I wish I could act like a Boy

* Ques Ciara “Like A Boy”- Takes out dramatic moves and popping*

Graduating from York University in 2013 I was STRUGGLING to find a job. I saw so many people who were in my graduating class getting internships and  international jobs starting well above entry level pay. Guys who  skipped classes and slacked off ended up working for Environment Canada or other then environmental companies while I struggled to find something in my field on a whole. Not getting that “Government Job” actually ended up helping me more than it hurt me, and is one of the main reasons I have my companies now.

Running a business has taught me that a lot of people take you seriously when you give them reason too.

IMG_1138

Having a Vagina and Breasts should not be a CURSE.. But a GIFT. I should never feel that because I am a woman I will never get as far as I want to be. Because I am a woman I should never feel that my education will get me far BUT not far enough for me to make the 6-Figures my heart desires. I remember wanting to be a Real Estate Agent and having someone tell me that I may not be taken as serious as if I were a man. I remember people telling me on my self realization journey that woman are “too emotional, too caring and too weak” to work certain jobs that a man is better at.

Woman such as :

Madam C. J Walker- Americas FIRST BLACK Self-Made Millionaire

Diane Hendricks-Co-founder/ Chairman at ABC Supply

Oprah Winfrey- Actress, Philanthropist, Director, Producer

Doris Fisher- Co-founder of GAP

Toni Ko- Founder of NYX Cosmetics

Sarah Blakely- Founder of Spanx

Sheila Johnson- Co-Founder of BET

Peggy Cherng- Co-Founder of Panda Express

Jin Sook Chang- Co-Founder of XX1

Jessica Alba- Actress, Founder of The Honest Company

Sophia Amoruso- Nasty Gal

All Million and BILLIONAIRES, have surpassed the males they were surrounded by coming up with products and services that have revenues In the billions yearly. I have been reading books and blog posts aimed at helping me overcome the obvious gender biases I face and helping me to elevate myself to a place where my sex no longer affects my ideals on how I will be viewed and judged not just in the workplace but in general.

For Hundreds of Years Woman have been subjected to receptionists, Filing Clerk, Cleaners, Chef and any other job that entails them catering to others. What many fail to realize is that a lot of these same woman are nurses, marketing guru’s, psychology majors, PR practitioners and accountants by trade but have been subjected to working outside of their area of expertise because of the lack of job avaliability in their field.

So the next time my colleagues bump into me in the halls or at my desk, I hope they look past my obvious ASS-ets and see me as a strong educated and resourceful woman who has more to offer than what society has limited me too because of my gender.

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xoxo Lici

Ugly Truth: Males and Females CANT be Friends.

 

Lets Agree To Disagree….

Guys and Girls Cant be friends..

I am sure there are at least 2 people reading this who are shaking their heads no, completely disagreeing with the statement at hand. They probably think Guys and Girls can be besties, having pajama parties, pouring out their hearts to one another and all that “Jazz” without any emotions involved.

False.

The topic of male female friendships is a very touchy subject. Throughout my 25 years on earth I have only had ONE Male friend that I know of that has not had any form of emotional feelings towards me on any level other than friendship. Now I am not saying there isn’t a girl and guy somewhere in the world who has a male friend whom they hold a platonic non sexual or emotional relationship with, I am merely saying I don’t agree that its as possible and “innocent” as we make it out to be.

Not to pick on men but the nature of most men is  sexual. Even if they don’t always show it there is a hidden itch inside most men’s minds that can often cause their minds to  wonder and stray. Friends or not if you find someone attractive .. then you find them attractive. There Is no way a guy can have a girl as a friend who has all the qualifications of what his ideal woman looks like and doesn’t ever think

A wise old man once said best friends make the best lovers, and this can be seen when two people branch off from being friends to dating.

And there is NOTHING wrong with that ^.

For Me, Alicia Sarah Harper, it becomes an issue when you find yourself being thinking “What If”.

What If we were more?

What if It worked?

What if I told him/her that I like them?

What if they don’t like me back?

What if it ruins our friendship?

Once questions start to populate your mind, for me that’s when its over. I have seen really good friendships ruined over emotions, people who have been friends for over 10 years have a lasting bond ruined because someone “caught feelings”. The worst thing is when you like someone and the feeling isn’t reciprocal.

I think that’s why I am so confused about the topic of Male/Female friendships or more so males and females being “Best Friends”. Someone is bound to catch feelings!

Imagine spending hours daily with the same person, pouring out your heart to the same person, having people break your heart and confiding in the same person, joking around playing with the same person, and to add more cherries onto the cake.. the person is attractive.. that’s when it has problematic potential.

If you give that “friend” the time of day, try to come on to them or jokingly profess your love to them I can promise you that there is a very high chance that they may feel some type of way or probably even start to fall for you.

This is Just My Opinion Though.. I would love to know what others think!

Shoot me your opinions!

xoxo.

Simplilici

Spring Cleaning: The Things I Had To Let Go Of.

As spring approaches and the birds come out and  mate, flowers start to bud and the weather gets  a little bit better so many changes begin.

Not only is there a change with mother nature but changes begin in a lot of peoples lives as well.

Because of the cold nature of Winter, we as humans tend to clutter ourselves with layers of clothes and accessories to keep us warm . We cover ourselves with often times unnecessary clothing articles hoping to keep us warm and comfy. At times  we may even find comfort in things that we don’t need too.

Once Spring comes the layers of protection and warmth are no longer needed, yet sometimes, so attached we rather burn than let go of the things/clothes that we no longer require.

In Life just like when the weather changes we hold on to certain things that we need to let go of.

SPRING CLEANING

That’s what I call it. Sometimes we are so accustomed to certain things and people that they become almost like  cushion for us and even when we know its time to let go we are hesitant, attached and don’t want too release ourselves.

Spring comes and brings new beginnings.

If we think about the cycle of the weather and the circle of life *SIMBA ROAR* All the damage that the winter months brought are repaired and fixed when Spring comes.

Sometimes being comfortable holds us back from many opportunities and advances we could embark on. I have set so many goals for myself in the last 2 years and because of fear or contentment have not attained any of them.

I told myself I would have launched my clothing line fully, traveled to numerous countries around the world, opened up a bit to others around me and even maybe complete a set of literature reads, yet, haven’t gotten even close.

Someone once told me that too many humans live in a place called tomorrow land, pushing off all the things they could possibly do to another day and time.

Spring Cleaning

Forcing Myself to do all that I said I was and not pushing it all off to another day, month of year.

Letting go of all my baggage and picking up the pieces to my future one day at a time. With new life naturally comes new opportunities new experiences and new chances to start fresh. I have been so afraid to move on, so afraid to let go of certain things and people that I’ve kept myself comfy and complacent in my own filth and mess.

 

Spring Cleaning

Dropping off my winter coat that held my memories from …

Spring Cleaning

Removing my knitted hat that sheltered me from the realties around me I tried to ignore

Spring Cleaning

Slipping off my mitts and gloves that have covered my hands, stopping me from expressing myself through my words on paper.

Spring Cleaning

Taking off my scarf that guarded my heart from ever opening up again

I swear I feel the air in my nostrils already. The fresh warming renewing scent of Spring brings me so much hope.

Its a new season. Time to Clean.

 

 

Rise of the “Follow Fashion Fad Finders”

Disclaimer:Do NOT Take Offense to anything I am writing, not EVERYTHING I write is FOR everyone. I apologize in Advance.

It has come to my attention that we are living in the era of the Fad Finders. You are probably wondering: 

What is a FAD FINDER?

Is that a person? 

According to my own personal urban dictionary, a “fad finder” is :

One who seeks the newest Fad ( intense, widely shared enthusiasm for something , especially one that is potentially short lived) and aims to either profit off so it or shows a sudden unknown desire to want to heavily pursue what is considered “in”. 

I have never in my 20+ years on this planet we know as Earth seen so many people pursuing the same thing so rapidly. 

I know we are taught to be supportive of other business ventures and applaud the inner entrepreneurs in everyone but… when everyone is doing the exact same thing.. 

I believe strongly that God gives us all unique talent and gifts to use to further our lives and potentially further his kingdom . 

BUT

When there are 10-15 people living in the Same area doing the same exact thing….

Example: 

I use Jamaica restaurants as an example. I live in Brampton, ON and in a 5 mile radius I can count 5 different Jamaican restaurants . 

You will have : 

Joeys Jerk which is 2 light down 

Maggie’s Manish Wata across the street

Bens Beef Patties by the highway 

Cathy Curry Goat next door 

Funny enough most of the restaurants sell almost the EXACT same stuff , some better than others some limited with quantities and flavor profiles.  

Not everyone needs to have an establishment and what is worse is that some of these businesses that open and create the most “buzz” don’t even last up to 5 years . 

This same example goes for people around the GTA ( greater Toronto Area) as well as worldwide. Many ventures are started not out of passion or love for the venture but more so because it is “trendy” and everyone else is doing it. 

Note: not everything that glitters is GOLD . What may look exciting and promising may cause more stress than anything else.. take it from me . 

I have seen so many “bakers, hair extension gurus, clothing companies, accessory companies and even IG models pop up and disappear in the span of months right after a certain “fad” starts to fade out. 

I am not saying people can’t stop doing certain things and decide to change their minds for whatever reason.. 

BUT

In the years when IG clothing boutiques were in a all time high I had never seen so many non fashion lovers all of a sudden open up a “DM to purchase” boutique selling the exact same stuff that their friends or others in their circle have already been selling or previously sold. People would rather do their own thing than help build the business of others around them and promote their growth and vision.

I have never seen so many business owners who start a business but who own nothing in all my years. 

To me there is a difference between passion and the pursuit of a paycheck. Many will do things that inspire them , things that motivate and push them to be the best that they can be and reach for the stars. Then there are people whose love for money surpasses  their love for whatever the craft they are embarking on is and they do what they do just because it can provide income… <-I’m not talking about these types of people , they’re people with entrepreneurial hearts. 
I’m talking  about people who lack originality and feel the urge to be their own “boss” without any business plan, call to action or even vision.

These people live for the excitement , these people feed off of others , these people .. are the follow fashion Fad finders.. 

Finding Myself: The Journey to Natural Hair 


2017.

It is finally a new year and I am one year closer to 30.

*Insert Sarcastic Excitement*  Yaey

Every year I set goals and aspirations that I want to achieve before or by the end of the year. 

It’s either something to do with my businesses or potential business ventures or to do with my personal life.

This year my list isn’t that long and I wont bore you all with what I have planned BUT I will talk about a new “journey” I am starting or have started February 1st 2017.

For the majority of my life I have had permed or texturized  hair. From the day I was given the chance to perm my hair in grade 8 for my graduation I took the offer and relaxed my tresses hoping to tame my hair to look more “acceptable”.

All my friends around me had their hair “tamed” and I did NOT want to be the one left out…I loved the sleek look that having perm or texturizer gave, felt empowered almost inferior to finally be equal to my non black counterparts.

I wanted my hair like the Mixed Girls who could wear their hair curly one day and then wear it jet straight the next almost on demand. I didn’t want to have thick puffy hair, hair that got frizzy when humid and had turned into a unmanageable  ball when wet…

Side Note:I consider myself blessed to have good genes and to blessed with fast growing hair, because God knows the amount of stuff I have done to my head I should be BALD.

Feb.1.17

The day I will forever remember as the day I decided to ignore society’s standards of “beauty” being  defined by straight hair chemically processed hair and embrace my inner  NATURALISTA. 

I can admit this journey will NOT be easy and I am not yet ready to let go of my extensions but I will finally know how it feels to properly love, care for and properly nurture my “glory”.

 

TO CHECK OUT MY NATURAL HAIR VIDEO ON MY YOU TUBE CHANNEL CLICK HERE

 

Until next week.

xoxo

Lici

Why Are You Single? 

The most common question asked to me each and every time a male or female approaches me and the conversation somehow goes towards love marriage and relationships.

Why are you single Alicia?

Now I know I have been talking about love and relationships a lot these days but I promise next month I will be giving you guys better topics.

The topic of my relationship status seems to be the MILLION DOLLAR Question at Family Functions, My Grandmas weekly check-ins from Jamaica and any friendship gathering. Everyone always seems to wonder …

WHY ARE YOU SINGLE ALICIA?

To answer questions, concerns of my sexual orientation and  thoughts of my potential transfer into the Nun clergy … Heres the 411

” I , Alicia Sarah Harper am single .. by CHOICE.”

I know that was NOT the answer many expected, some even probably wanted me to admit that I had some kind of issue that hindered me from potentially finding a man.. but that is not the case.

I always told myself that Dating wasn’t something to be entered into lightly. I have always believed that giving yourself to someone mentally, emotionally and physically should be done with someone special and should be something that is well thought out.

As we get older and as we mature we realize the things we once looked for in a potential significant other change. The desires I once had for that Tall, Thug Like Athlete who had a bit of attitude, the charm of Omarion meets LL Cool J and the swag of…( insert the most stylish guy you know)*COUGH COUGH* changed and I slowly start gravitating more towards attributes of substance. Don’t get me wrong I still admire the company of a man with a little Spizzaz to him but Ive come to realize that’s not what its all about.

Many people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. Whether it be for sex, companionship, emotional support, Fear of Being Alone… The reasons are not always secure and pure. Often times as humans we do not think before we act, we do things based off impulse and deal with the repercussions of our actions in the long run.

I have had NUMEROUS opportunities at being some guys “girlfriend, arm-candy, bae, boo and wifey”. Each time Ive been presented with a potential suitor I have been given the chance to change my status to accommodate my friends and family members desires to not see me “Alone”.

I am the youngest Grand-Child on my mothers side and all the other and older grandchildren ahead of me are either married, courting or in a serious relationship….

And then there’s Me.

You are probably wondering… So if you are the “Boy Dem Shuga”

English Translation: Hot commodity, big timer, Relation-ally Capable

Then Why are you single?

I am about to break it down to you as best as I can.

After my last relationship ended a few years ago ( actual year and date are questionable) I was in a very very dark place. I was hurt, I was upset and I felt like Love obviously did NOT love me because If it did I wouldn’t be apart of the single-girls-club. I was so accustomed to being with someone that I had forgotten how it felt to be alone.. and I hated it. I missed all the perks that came with having a man, including having someone to cater to my every need. ( I can be a bit of a princess at times).  Society has made us believe that being “Alone” is a form of disease, something that isn’t acceptable. This push that has been given by the media and by people around us makes us feel that we have not “made” it unless we have someone by our side. 

I remember feeling so incomplete and lost because the years kept going by and I had found no one that I felt I could see myself with forever. All my friends were getting into and out of relationships and there I was all alone wondering if God forgot all about me. I know what I want and I guess that can be a good or bad thing, knowing. I feel that when you don’t know as much or you’ve let yourself become more open to other opportunities of meeting someone who may not be that : 6’4, Dashing. Ambitious, Perfect Teeth……Guy, you may just find someone. Maybe? Maybe Not?

I am single because I know what I want, Ive spoken it into the atmosphere and Ive told God what things I would like in a man that I intend on spending my life with. I am single because I refuse to settle, settle for a mediocre belly rub, mediocre affection or mediocre overall gratification. I am single because I am focused. I am focused on my dreams, I am focused on my goals and I know that I am not where I need to be mentally and emotionally. I am single because I’m not ready to love again, I’m not completely healed and I don’t believe in “passing the time” or using another guy to fill any void I may have. I am single because I am trying to be patient an allow all that God has in store for my life while I am alone to be fulfilled.  Being single is the only time anyone has to accomplish as much as they can without the obligations of another life depending on them.

 

I want to travel.

I want to meet new people.

I want to fall in love with me again. The Girl I was before social media, before superficial add-ins.

So please DO NOT define me by my marital status, don’t feel a pity for me because I don’t have a significant other.

I hope After this I wont have to hear

Why are you single?

It will be worth the wait ❤

 

“So if you’re  out there, swear Ill be good to you cause I’m  done looking for that future someone , be Cause When the Time is Right He’ll be here but for now.. Dear no one this is your Love Song”- Tori Kelly.™

 

Im Fake Too.

I remember when I was younger and TV was Good. 

Back in the late 90’s early 2000’s when :

Saved By The Bell

Fresh Prince

Full House

Family Matters

All That

The Nanny

Sister Sister

The Cosby Show

Boy Meets World

Lizzy McGuire

That’s So Raven

Used to be the Hit shows. I remember the days when TV was clean , it was informative and it was safe. I recall being young watching TV and actually being allowed to watch the shows that were being played . Vulgarity and profanity were at a minimal and parents had little to fret about when it came to their children watching television. Back when Kids were Kids.

I remember waking up on Saturday Mornings to catch Tiny Toon Adventures, Tale Spin, Doug, DarkWing Ducks, X-Men, Animaniacs, The Tick, Freakaziods and Big Comfy Couch.

Woman of all shapes and sizes were on TV then. You had the “Plus Sized” Girls, In between’s, curvy mamas and then the slim and trims. Growing up I never felt compelled to want to look a certain way because the media to me then was more accepting.

Back then in the early 2000’s there was no dominating social media outlets. Sites like Black Planet, Habbo Hotel, Hi5, World of Warcraft and MySpace were the most “social” sites around. Facebook was the most popular connecting tool then and any and everyone who wanted to connect with others had to know the persons name or at-least enough about them to be able to find them. Pictures posted were more censored and the stresses to conform were lower.

Well that’s what I think at least.

The late 2000’s brought shows such as:

Keeping Up with The Kardashians

Americas Next Top Model

Jersey Shore

Flavors Of Love

The Hills

Bad Girls Club

Dance Moms

Toddlers in Tiaras

The Simple Life

Love And Hip-Hop

The Real Housewives

Over the years the images I began to see of what a woman should look like began to change. Where slim girls once dominated social media and the TV, I began to see more altered females taking over. Regardless of what show I would watch, girls who had the perfect makeup, perfect bodies and LAID hair began to be the norm.

Please do not in any way shape or form accuse me of saying ANYTHING bad about ANYONE who looks a certain way.. I am merely stating a point.

Scrolling on my IG timeline I am bombarded<- strong word usage I know… with Vixen Like Females from all over the world. Woman who are and are not born with the perfect “36-24-42 “have taken over the Explore Page. Back in the days the perfect woman was considered one who was “36-24-36” but that has slowly changed.

Watching the progression of shows that started off in the early 2000’s that are still running on TV now, you can see how so many females and males perception of “beauty, aesthetics and body image” have changed.

I can openly admit I am a consumer who has bought into this new FAD Of having to look a certain way. Where as I used to wear minimal makeup I had found myself drowned in Youtube tutorials doing trial and errors to correct my eye liner “wing”, enhance my cheekbones contouring and have my frontal LAID. Where I was once content with my body looking a certain way, I have found myself constantly browsing for waist cinchers looking for something to make my “25” waist even smaller.

When I graduated from High School in 08 Girls were less occupied with contouring, weave and cosmetic surgeries. The only people who got their Boobs or Bum done were the people who had some means or fame or had money. The everyday girl did not have access to the resources then that she does now.

It pains me to go on the internet , walk in the mall or even scroll on my timeline and see replicas, clones of woman all over the world who have done any and everything in their power to conform their looks to the looks of what SOCIETY and the MEDIA have deemed to be the “perfect” woman. That desirable BOMBSHELL who oozes sexuality, lust and desire. That woman who “woke up like this” and by this I mean FLAWLESS.

DISCLAIMER: I am not knocking plastic surgery, implants or even people who use excessive amounts of makeup..

I know and have come across so many females who were one size one summer and by the next summer come back with HUGE breasts, NO waist and a Booty that even London Charles a.k.a Deelishis would envy.

When the media tells us a certain shoe, hair colour, eye colour, look, body type, song, brand is in we cave in and feel that we have to have it, buy it or change ourselves to fit in.

CONSUMERISM.

The worst thing about all of this is the generation coming up has gotten from bad to worse. I have bumped into girls in middle school  and high school freshman’s with bodies of grown woman clad in clothes that my mom would have beat me If I ever even tried stepping foot out the house in. Belly Buttons showing, Push-up bra induced boobs popping out and the the tightest pair of TNA and LuluLemon tights and active wear pants glued on their skin. I’m seeing parents promoting videos of their kids twerking and whining up themselves under the age of 5 for what ?

Fame?

Whats happening to us?

DO NOT get me wrong. There are a group of women out there who are not as affected by this new type of woman that’s rising up , woman who are embracing their natural beauty more than ever before.

But is that also a fad?

Is this natural hair movement something that has also been affected by the media? Are woman of colour who are filming natural hair videos and creating their own products and face regimes at home falling into the medias pull?

Is it a good thing?

Some say we as women do what we do to please and accommodate the men around us. Some say that all changes a woman does to herself is essentially to attract, keep or lure a man in.

Do we really do what we do for ourselves?

Do men determine what the media portrays?

If All these women are  “Fake”, Strongly Influenced or Brainwashed..

I guess I am too.

Omg.

I’m Fake.

 

 

 

 

No. I did NOT get Married at 25.

People can have you feeling like you’re way older than you really are just by knowing, understanding and reminding you of your age.

The big countdown began for me… And as the days went by I was one day closer , one hour closer, a few minutes closer and even seconds closer to being ” a quarter of a century”. The big 2-5 was supposed to be the year and age that most people have already figured out what they want out of life , set long term and short term goals and are either married, engaged, pregnant ,have their first child OR working on their second. Society has set up these mental pictures in our minds about how our lives are supposed to go, the rates they’re supposed to go at and the pace.

High expectations are set for us and often times we are unable to fulfill them. When I was younger I told myself that by 2-5 I HAD TO be married. In my head I was marrying my at the time boyfriend, I was having 2 kids and that was that. <— Didn’t Happen.

Things About Myself I can OPENLY admit:

I have only ever been in ONE ” Real” relationship.

I am afraid of heights

I am scared of real commitment ( shocking?)

I am a serious hopeless romantic

I love FOOD.

Each and everything in my life that has happened or is currently happening is preparing me for what is to come.

*chants affirmation to self but doesn’t believe one word of what I’m chanting*

-SHORT PAUSE-

When I  initially started writing this blog it was before my birthday and I was experiencing the highest level of writers block. I didn’t know what I wanted to talk about but I did know that for my big 2-5 I had to write a post. I was secretly hoping for a fun filled adventure packed day so that I could write a post that makes everyone smile and  say wow or wish that they came to Alicias Big 2-5 Bash.

As my 2-5 Birthday approached I can admit I was a bit let down. I had just recently finished up my last week of College, was unemployed and had NO prospects, boo’s or eye candy in my life to claim.. or claim me.

For someone who had their life all figured out from a young age it was very saddening to have arrived at “THE AGE” and not accomplished ANYTHING that I had set up in my mental life clock. Its sad that people can look at you and assume that you have it all together. People can see you smile, or see you on social media and by the way you dress, the car you drive or the house you live in assume your life is perfect.

Looking at me people assumed from my 200 + Instagram posts and 1 minute long snap-chat stories that I had it all worked out. Ive had girls tell me how lucky I was just based off of what they saw.. knowing little to nothing about my personal life. I’ve had people I don’t even know message me telling me how much they look up to me and admire my drive NOT knowing the many times I’ve woke up ready to quit and and every venture I have embarked on.

Good Ole 2-5.

I expected more from myself.

Unlike my other posts I REFUSE to end this off in a sad note.

Though 2-5 did not bring me my Dream Job, Dream Man, Dream Car or any of the other goals I set when I was a teenager.

The BIG 2-5 did however:

  • Launched my Everyday Wear Line Noir 91
  • Attained networking avenues I would have never ever  ever ever had
  • Gained insight of what I do and do not want in a man <- BIG THING!
  • Put me on the right path career wise
  • The Year I graduated ( for the second time)  with Honours

Life has honestly taught me that everything may not work out at the pace we may set for ourselves but that God makes no mistakes and what is meant to be in your life will not miss you.

I have learned to trust the process, the plan and most of all the planner.

God.

 

Heres to 2-5 more years ❤

The Single BoyFriend


There has been a common trend that I have noticed with alot of men in this day and age. This is not a general reflection on ALL MEN.. But just a observation on a faithful…few.

The Single Boyfriend is what I like to call this class of man.

What is the Single Boyfriend you may be wondering? Whats the point of this post? What does it have to do with any of you? If you think this post is about you.. it probably is . No no I’m Joking it’s Not. 

Unless you want it to be . 

According to The Alicia  Urban Dictionary:

Single Boyfriend: A man who is currently in a relationship but has the actions, words and thoughts of a single man.

Ex: Billy slides into Kelsey’s DM’s every other week but Billy is dating Cathy. Billy is a Single Boyfriend.

Its a epidemic. It starts off with one guy and slowly spreads to another and then another and another. What fuels this epidemic? Social Media. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat shoot even probably Habbo Hotel.. <- Throwback.

This disease doesn’t affect men who are single but targets men who have significant others, are married or are “claimed” by someone.

One of the criterias to be the prey of this disease is you have to have social media and the potential for wandering eyes syndrome. Once you log on to or sign up for a social media handle and “they” see that you have someone special in your life .. you’re prime real estate. 

I’m going to get serious now. I think I’ve made a good amount of jokes as it is. 

I feel that the constitution of marriage and relationships has died. Social media has made it harder for people to stay faithful and monogamous in their relationship. Men now have access to viewing other woman around the world they couldn’t see before. There is NO filter…so half naked , booty injection filled, fake everything else including personality females are taking over . 

I can’t blame them. I can’t blame the females for showing the bodies they were born with .. or paid for .. it’s theirs after all.  I can however  question why men who have someone already are allowing themselves to get drawn in , showing signs of lack of gratification and not being satisfied with what they already have. 
I have had men who are married, engaged , dating and even courting message me with the goal of trying to get to know me .. while “cuffed” to another woman. 

Disgusting. 

That’s how I see it. 

And I feel that any woman who can knowingly entertain a man whose not theirs knowing he has someone doesn’t deserve to be happy. 

Sounds harsh. 

I know. 

You can probably tell this post is a collaboration of annoyance, confusion and questioning. 
It makes me wonder what’s missing within their relationship why they feel the need to reach out to other woman? Why slide into her DM’s and tell her how nice her dress flows on her backside? 

Why send her “hey big head ” texts elaborating on how long it’s been and how much you miss her ? 

Why tell her you guys could do stuff and your girlfriend won’t have to know ? 

My heart goes out to every female who is dating a Single Boyfriend. To every female who thinks her mans checking the ball game score but is really sexting… or snap chatting another woman. It hurts me to know that loyalty is not common anymore , that commitment sounds like a joke and that honesty is an old folks tale. 

Sometimes I would look at myself in theMirror  and wonder if I had “side chick” written on my forehead in invisible ink why these things seemed to always happen to me .
I wanted happiness, true , pure genuine , no catch, no confusion , no hidden girlfriend I don’t know about.. happiness. 
  

My journey of being single has been prolonged due to things like this that have made me question if it’s really worth me hanging up my jersey and taking on the cloak of being some guys “Bae” or even his “boo”. 

I’m not writing this to be vindictive , nor am I being petty or irrational. 

I am writing this because I was a victim… of a Single Boyfriend.