Spring Cleaning: The Things I Had To Let Go Of.

As spring approaches and the birds come out and  mate, flowers start to bud and the weather gets  a little bit better so many changes begin.

Not only is there a change with mother nature but changes begin in a lot of peoples lives as well.

Because of the cold nature of Winter, we as humans tend to clutter ourselves with layers of clothes and accessories to keep us warm . We cover ourselves with often times unnecessary clothing articles hoping to keep us warm and comfy. At times  we may even find comfort in things that we don’t need too.

Once Spring comes the layers of protection and warmth are no longer needed, yet sometimes, so attached we rather burn than let go of the things/clothes that we no longer require.

In Life just like when the weather changes we hold on to certain things that we need to let go of.

SPRING CLEANING

That’s what I call it. Sometimes we are so accustomed to certain things and people that they become almost like  cushion for us and even when we know its time to let go we are hesitant, attached and don’t want too release ourselves.

Spring comes and brings new beginnings.

If we think about the cycle of the weather and the circle of life *SIMBA ROAR* All the damage that the winter months brought are repaired and fixed when Spring comes.

Sometimes being comfortable holds us back from many opportunities and advances we could embark on. I have set so many goals for myself in the last 2 years and because of fear or contentment have not attained any of them.

I told myself I would have launched my clothing line fully, traveled to numerous countries around the world, opened up a bit to others around me and even maybe complete a set of literature reads, yet, haven’t gotten even close.

Someone once told me that too many humans live in a place called tomorrow land, pushing off all the things they could possibly do to another day and time.

Spring Cleaning

Forcing Myself to do all that I said I was and not pushing it all off to another day, month of year.

Letting go of all my baggage and picking up the pieces to my future one day at a time. With new life naturally comes new opportunities new experiences and new chances to start fresh. I have been so afraid to move on, so afraid to let go of certain things and people that I’ve kept myself comfy and complacent in my own filth and mess.

 

Spring Cleaning

Dropping off my winter coat that held my memories from …

Spring Cleaning

Removing my knitted hat that sheltered me from the realties around me I tried to ignore

Spring Cleaning

Slipping off my mitts and gloves that have covered my hands, stopping me from expressing myself through my words on paper.

Spring Cleaning

Taking off my scarf that guarded my heart from ever opening up again

I swear I feel the air in my nostrils already. The fresh warming renewing scent of Spring brings me so much hope.

Its a new season. Time to Clean.

 

 

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Rise of the “Follow Fashion Fad Finders”

Disclaimer:Do NOT Take Offense to anything I am writing, not EVERYTHING I write is FOR everyone. I apologize in Advance.

It has come to my attention that we are living in the era of the Fad Finders. You are probably wondering: 

What is a FAD FINDER?

Is that a person? 

According to my own personal urban dictionary, a “fad finder” is :

One who seeks the newest Fad ( intense, widely shared enthusiasm for something , especially one that is potentially short lived) and aims to either profit off so it or shows a sudden unknown desire to want to heavily pursue what is considered “in”. 

I have never in my 20+ years on this planet we know as Earth seen so many people pursuing the same thing so rapidly. 

I know we are taught to be supportive of other business ventures and applaud the inner entrepreneurs in everyone but… when everyone is doing the exact same thing.. 

I believe strongly that God gives us all unique talent and gifts to use to further our lives and potentially further his kingdom . 

BUT

When there are 10-15 people living in the Same area doing the same exact thing….

Example: 

I use Jamaica restaurants as an example. I live in Brampton, ON and in a 5 mile radius I can count 5 different Jamaican restaurants . 

You will have : 

Joeys Jerk which is 2 light down 

Maggie’s Manish Wata across the street

Bens Beef Patties by the highway 

Cathy Curry Goat next door 

Funny enough most of the restaurants sell almost the EXACT same stuff , some better than others some limited with quantities and flavor profiles.  

Not everyone needs to have an establishment and what is worse is that some of these businesses that open and create the most “buzz” don’t even last up to 5 years . 

This same example goes for people around the GTA ( greater Toronto Area) as well as worldwide. Many ventures are started not out of passion or love for the venture but more so because it is “trendy” and everyone else is doing it. 

Note: not everything that glitters is GOLD . What may look exciting and promising may cause more stress than anything else.. take it from me . 

I have seen so many “bakers, hair extension gurus, clothing companies, accessory companies and even IG models pop up and disappear in the span of months right after a certain “fad” starts to fade out. 

I am not saying people can’t stop doing certain things and decide to change their minds for whatever reason.. 

BUT

In the years when IG clothing boutiques were in a all time high I had never seen so many non fashion lovers all of a sudden open up a “DM to purchase” boutique selling the exact same stuff that their friends or others in their circle have already been selling or previously sold. People would rather do their own thing than help build the business of others around them and promote their growth and vision.

I have never seen so many business owners who start a business but who own nothing in all my years. 

To me there is a difference between passion and the pursuit of a paycheck. Many will do things that inspire them , things that motivate and push them to be the best that they can be and reach for the stars. Then there are people whose love for money surpasses  their love for whatever the craft they are embarking on is and they do what they do just because it can provide income… <-I’m not talking about these types of people , they’re people with entrepreneurial hearts. 
I’m talking  about people who lack originality and feel the urge to be their own “boss” without any business plan, call to action or even vision.

These people live for the excitement , these people feed off of others , these people .. are the follow fashion Fad finders.. 

Finding Myself: The Journey to Natural Hair 


2017.

It is finally a new year and I am one year closer to 30.

*Insert Sarcastic Excitement*  Yaey

Every year I set goals and aspirations that I want to achieve before or by the end of the year. 

It’s either something to do with my businesses or potential business ventures or to do with my personal life.

This year my list isn’t that long and I wont bore you all with what I have planned BUT I will talk about a new “journey” I am starting or have started February 1st 2017.

For the majority of my life I have had permed or texturized  hair. From the day I was given the chance to perm my hair in grade 8 for my graduation I took the offer and relaxed my tresses hoping to tame my hair to look more “acceptable”.

All my friends around me had their hair “tamed” and I did NOT want to be the one left out…I loved the sleek look that having perm or texturizer gave, felt empowered almost inferior to finally be equal to my non black counterparts.

I wanted my hair like the Mixed Girls who could wear their hair curly one day and then wear it jet straight the next almost on demand. I didn’t want to have thick puffy hair, hair that got frizzy when humid and had turned into a unmanageable  ball when wet…

Side Note:I consider myself blessed to have good genes and to blessed with fast growing hair, because God knows the amount of stuff I have done to my head I should be BALD.

Feb.1.17

The day I will forever remember as the day I decided to ignore society’s standards of “beauty” being  defined by straight hair chemically processed hair and embrace my inner  NATURALISTA. 

I can admit this journey will NOT be easy and I am not yet ready to let go of my extensions but I will finally know how it feels to properly love, care for and properly nurture my “glory”.

 

TO CHECK OUT MY NATURAL HAIR VIDEO ON MY YOU TUBE CHANNEL CLICK HERE

 

Until next week.

xoxo

Lici

Why Are You Single? 

The most common question asked to me each and every time a male or female approaches me and the conversation somehow goes towards love marriage and relationships.

Why are you single Alicia?

Now I know I have been talking about love and relationships a lot these days but I promise next month I will be giving you guys better topics.

The topic of my relationship status seems to be the MILLION DOLLAR Question at Family Functions, My Grandmas weekly check-ins from Jamaica and any friendship gathering. Everyone always seems to wonder …

WHY ARE YOU SINGLE ALICIA?

To answer questions, concerns of my sexual orientation and  thoughts of my potential transfer into the Nun clergy … Heres the 411

” I , Alicia Sarah Harper am single .. by CHOICE.”

I know that was NOT the answer many expected, some even probably wanted me to admit that I had some kind of issue that hindered me from potentially finding a man.. but that is not the case.

I always told myself that Dating wasn’t something to be entered into lightly. I have always believed that giving yourself to someone mentally, emotionally and physically should be done with someone special and should be something that is well thought out.

As we get older and as we mature we realize the things we once looked for in a potential significant other change. The desires I once had for that Tall, Thug Like Athlete who had a bit of attitude, the charm of Omarion meets LL Cool J and the swag of…( insert the most stylish guy you know)*COUGH COUGH* changed and I slowly start gravitating more towards attributes of substance. Don’t get me wrong I still admire the company of a man with a little Spizzaz to him but Ive come to realize that’s not what its all about.

Many people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. Whether it be for sex, companionship, emotional support, Fear of Being Alone… The reasons are not always secure and pure. Often times as humans we do not think before we act, we do things based off impulse and deal with the repercussions of our actions in the long run.

I have had NUMEROUS opportunities at being some guys “girlfriend, arm-candy, bae, boo and wifey”. Each time Ive been presented with a potential suitor I have been given the chance to change my status to accommodate my friends and family members desires to not see me “Alone”.

I am the youngest Grand-Child on my mothers side and all the other and older grandchildren ahead of me are either married, courting or in a serious relationship….

And then there’s Me.

You are probably wondering… So if you are the “Boy Dem Shuga”

English Translation: Hot commodity, big timer, Relation-ally Capable

Then Why are you single?

I am about to break it down to you as best as I can.

After my last relationship ended a few years ago ( actual year and date are questionable) I was in a very very dark place. I was hurt, I was upset and I felt like Love obviously did NOT love me because If it did I wouldn’t be apart of the single-girls-club. I was so accustomed to being with someone that I had forgotten how it felt to be alone.. and I hated it. I missed all the perks that came with having a man, including having someone to cater to my every need. ( I can be a bit of a princess at times).  Society has made us believe that being “Alone” is a form of disease, something that isn’t acceptable. This push that has been given by the media and by people around us makes us feel that we have not “made” it unless we have someone by our side. 

I remember feeling so incomplete and lost because the years kept going by and I had found no one that I felt I could see myself with forever. All my friends were getting into and out of relationships and there I was all alone wondering if God forgot all about me. I know what I want and I guess that can be a good or bad thing, knowing. I feel that when you don’t know as much or you’ve let yourself become more open to other opportunities of meeting someone who may not be that : 6’4, Dashing. Ambitious, Perfect Teeth……Guy, you may just find someone. Maybe? Maybe Not?

I am single because I know what I want, Ive spoken it into the atmosphere and Ive told God what things I would like in a man that I intend on spending my life with. I am single because I refuse to settle, settle for a mediocre belly rub, mediocre affection or mediocre overall gratification. I am single because I am focused. I am focused on my dreams, I am focused on my goals and I know that I am not where I need to be mentally and emotionally. I am single because I’m not ready to love again, I’m not completely healed and I don’t believe in “passing the time” or using another guy to fill any void I may have. I am single because I am trying to be patient an allow all that God has in store for my life while I am alone to be fulfilled.  Being single is the only time anyone has to accomplish as much as they can without the obligations of another life depending on them.

 

I want to travel.

I want to meet new people.

I want to fall in love with me again. The Girl I was before social media, before superficial add-ins.

So please DO NOT define me by my marital status, don’t feel a pity for me because I don’t have a significant other.

I hope After this I wont have to hear

Why are you single?

It will be worth the wait ❤

 

“So if you’re  out there, swear Ill be good to you cause I’m  done looking for that future someone , be Cause When the Time is Right He’ll be here but for now.. Dear no one this is your Love Song”- Tori Kelly.™

 

Im Fake Too.

I remember when I was younger and TV was Good. 

Back in the late 90’s early 2000’s when :

Saved By The Bell

Fresh Prince

Full House

Family Matters

All That

The Nanny

Sister Sister

The Cosby Show

Boy Meets World

Lizzy McGuire

That’s So Raven

Used to be the Hit shows. I remember the days when TV was clean , it was informative and it was safe. I recall being young watching TV and actually being allowed to watch the shows that were being played . Vulgarity and profanity were at a minimal and parents had little to fret about when it came to their children watching television. Back when Kids were Kids.

I remember waking up on Saturday Mornings to catch Tiny Toon Adventures, Tale Spin, Doug, DarkWing Ducks, X-Men, Animaniacs, The Tick, Freakaziods and Big Comfy Couch.

Woman of all shapes and sizes were on TV then. You had the “Plus Sized” Girls, In between’s, curvy mamas and then the slim and trims. Growing up I never felt compelled to want to look a certain way because the media to me then was more accepting.

Back then in the early 2000’s there was no dominating social media outlets. Sites like Black Planet, Habbo Hotel, Hi5, World of Warcraft and MySpace were the most “social” sites around. Facebook was the most popular connecting tool then and any and everyone who wanted to connect with others had to know the persons name or at-least enough about them to be able to find them. Pictures posted were more censored and the stresses to conform were lower.

Well that’s what I think at least.

The late 2000’s brought shows such as:

Keeping Up with The Kardashians

Americas Next Top Model

Jersey Shore

Flavors Of Love

The Hills

Bad Girls Club

Dance Moms

Toddlers in Tiaras

The Simple Life

Love And Hip-Hop

The Real Housewives

Over the years the images I began to see of what a woman should look like began to change. Where slim girls once dominated social media and the TV, I began to see more altered females taking over. Regardless of what show I would watch, girls who had the perfect makeup, perfect bodies and LAID hair began to be the norm.

Please do not in any way shape or form accuse me of saying ANYTHING bad about ANYONE who looks a certain way.. I am merely stating a point.

Scrolling on my IG timeline I am bombarded<- strong word usage I know… with Vixen Like Females from all over the world. Woman who are and are not born with the perfect “36-24-42 “have taken over the Explore Page. Back in the days the perfect woman was considered one who was “36-24-36” but that has slowly changed.

Watching the progression of shows that started off in the early 2000’s that are still running on TV now, you can see how so many females and males perception of “beauty, aesthetics and body image” have changed.

I can openly admit I am a consumer who has bought into this new FAD Of having to look a certain way. Where as I used to wear minimal makeup I had found myself drowned in Youtube tutorials doing trial and errors to correct my eye liner “wing”, enhance my cheekbones contouring and have my frontal LAID. Where I was once content with my body looking a certain way, I have found myself constantly browsing for waist cinchers looking for something to make my “25” waist even smaller.

When I graduated from High School in 08 Girls were less occupied with contouring, weave and cosmetic surgeries. The only people who got their Boobs or Bum done were the people who had some means or fame or had money. The everyday girl did not have access to the resources then that she does now.

It pains me to go on the internet , walk in the mall or even scroll on my timeline and see replicas, clones of woman all over the world who have done any and everything in their power to conform their looks to the looks of what SOCIETY and the MEDIA have deemed to be the “perfect” woman. That desirable BOMBSHELL who oozes sexuality, lust and desire. That woman who “woke up like this” and by this I mean FLAWLESS.

DISCLAIMER: I am not knocking plastic surgery, implants or even people who use excessive amounts of makeup..

I know and have come across so many females who were one size one summer and by the next summer come back with HUGE breasts, NO waist and a Booty that even London Charles a.k.a Deelishis would envy.

When the media tells us a certain shoe, hair colour, eye colour, look, body type, song, brand is in we cave in and feel that we have to have it, buy it or change ourselves to fit in.

CONSUMERISM.

The worst thing about all of this is the generation coming up has gotten from bad to worse. I have bumped into girls in middle school  and high school freshman’s with bodies of grown woman clad in clothes that my mom would have beat me If I ever even tried stepping foot out the house in. Belly Buttons showing, Push-up bra induced boobs popping out and the the tightest pair of TNA and LuluLemon tights and active wear pants glued on their skin. I’m seeing parents promoting videos of their kids twerking and whining up themselves under the age of 5 for what ?

Fame?

Whats happening to us?

DO NOT get me wrong. There are a group of women out there who are not as affected by this new type of woman that’s rising up , woman who are embracing their natural beauty more than ever before.

But is that also a fad?

Is this natural hair movement something that has also been affected by the media? Are woman of colour who are filming natural hair videos and creating their own products and face regimes at home falling into the medias pull?

Is it a good thing?

Some say we as women do what we do to please and accommodate the men around us. Some say that all changes a woman does to herself is essentially to attract, keep or lure a man in.

Do we really do what we do for ourselves?

Do men determine what the media portrays?

If All these women are  “Fake”, Strongly Influenced or Brainwashed..

I guess I am too.

Omg.

I’m Fake.

 

 

 

 

No. I did NOT get Married at 25.

People can have you feeling like you’re way older than you really are just by knowing, understanding and reminding you of your age.

The big countdown began for me… And as the days went by I was one day closer , one hour closer, a few minutes closer and even seconds closer to being ” a quarter of a century”. The big 2-5 was supposed to be the year and age that most people have already figured out what they want out of life , set long term and short term goals and are either married, engaged, pregnant ,have their first child OR working on their second. Society has set up these mental pictures in our minds about how our lives are supposed to go, the rates they’re supposed to go at and the pace.

High expectations are set for us and often times we are unable to fulfill them. When I was younger I told myself that by 2-5 I HAD TO be married. In my head I was marrying my at the time boyfriend, I was having 2 kids and that was that. <— Didn’t Happen.

Things About Myself I can OPENLY admit:

I have only ever been in ONE ” Real” relationship.

I am afraid of heights

I am scared of real commitment ( shocking?)

I am a serious hopeless romantic

I love FOOD.

Each and everything in my life that has happened or is currently happening is preparing me for what is to come.

*chants affirmation to self but doesn’t believe one word of what I’m chanting*

-SHORT PAUSE-

When I  initially started writing this blog it was before my birthday and I was experiencing the highest level of writers block. I didn’t know what I wanted to talk about but I did know that for my big 2-5 I had to write a post. I was secretly hoping for a fun filled adventure packed day so that I could write a post that makes everyone smile and  say wow or wish that they came to Alicias Big 2-5 Bash.

As my 2-5 Birthday approached I can admit I was a bit let down. I had just recently finished up my last week of College, was unemployed and had NO prospects, boo’s or eye candy in my life to claim.. or claim me.

For someone who had their life all figured out from a young age it was very saddening to have arrived at “THE AGE” and not accomplished ANYTHING that I had set up in my mental life clock. Its sad that people can look at you and assume that you have it all together. People can see you smile, or see you on social media and by the way you dress, the car you drive or the house you live in assume your life is perfect.

Looking at me people assumed from my 200 + Instagram posts and 1 minute long snap-chat stories that I had it all worked out. Ive had girls tell me how lucky I was just based off of what they saw.. knowing little to nothing about my personal life. I’ve had people I don’t even know message me telling me how much they look up to me and admire my drive NOT knowing the many times I’ve woke up ready to quit and and every venture I have embarked on.

Good Ole 2-5.

I expected more from myself.

Unlike my other posts I REFUSE to end this off in a sad note.

Though 2-5 did not bring me my Dream Job, Dream Man, Dream Car or any of the other goals I set when I was a teenager.

The BIG 2-5 did however:

  • Launched my Everyday Wear Line Noir 91
  • Attained networking avenues I would have never ever  ever ever had
  • Gained insight of what I do and do not want in a man <- BIG THING!
  • Put me on the right path career wise
  • The Year I graduated ( for the second time)  with Honours

Life has honestly taught me that everything may not work out at the pace we may set for ourselves but that God makes no mistakes and what is meant to be in your life will not miss you.

I have learned to trust the process, the plan and most of all the planner.

God.

 

Heres to 2-5 more years ❤

The Single BoyFriend


There has been a common trend that I have noticed with alot of men in this day and age. This is not a general reflection on ALL MEN.. But just a observation on a faithful…few.

The Single Boyfriend is what I like to call this class of man.

What is the Single Boyfriend you may be wondering? Whats the point of this post? What does it have to do with any of you? If you think this post is about you.. it probably is . No no I’m Joking it’s Not. 

Unless you want it to be . 

According to The Alicia  Urban Dictionary:

Single Boyfriend: A man who is currently in a relationship but has the actions, words and thoughts of a single man.

Ex: Billy slides into Kelsey’s DM’s every other week but Billy is dating Cathy. Billy is a Single Boyfriend.

Its a epidemic. It starts off with one guy and slowly spreads to another and then another and another. What fuels this epidemic? Social Media. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, SnapChat shoot even probably Habbo Hotel.. <- Throwback.

This disease doesn’t affect men who are single but targets men who have significant others, are married or are “claimed” by someone.

One of the criterias to be the prey of this disease is you have to have social media and the potential for wandering eyes syndrome. Once you log on to or sign up for a social media handle and “they” see that you have someone special in your life .. you’re prime real estate. 

I’m going to get serious now. I think I’ve made a good amount of jokes as it is. 

I feel that the constitution of marriage and relationships has died. Social media has made it harder for people to stay faithful and monogamous in their relationship. Men now have access to viewing other woman around the world they couldn’t see before. There is NO filter…so half naked , booty injection filled, fake everything else including personality females are taking over . 

I can’t blame them. I can’t blame the females for showing the bodies they were born with .. or paid for .. it’s theirs after all.  I can however  question why men who have someone already are allowing themselves to get drawn in , showing signs of lack of gratification and not being satisfied with what they already have. 
I have had men who are married, engaged , dating and even courting message me with the goal of trying to get to know me .. while “cuffed” to another woman. 

Disgusting. 

That’s how I see it. 

And I feel that any woman who can knowingly entertain a man whose not theirs knowing he has someone doesn’t deserve to be happy. 

Sounds harsh. 

I know. 

You can probably tell this post is a collaboration of annoyance, confusion and questioning. 
It makes me wonder what’s missing within their relationship why they feel the need to reach out to other woman? Why slide into her DM’s and tell her how nice her dress flows on her backside? 

Why send her “hey big head ” texts elaborating on how long it’s been and how much you miss her ? 

Why tell her you guys could do stuff and your girlfriend won’t have to know ? 

My heart goes out to every female who is dating a Single Boyfriend. To every female who thinks her mans checking the ball game score but is really sexting… or snap chatting another woman. It hurts me to know that loyalty is not common anymore , that commitment sounds like a joke and that honesty is an old folks tale. 

Sometimes I would look at myself in theMirror  and wonder if I had “side chick” written on my forehead in invisible ink why these things seemed to always happen to me .
I wanted happiness, true , pure genuine , no catch, no confusion , no hidden girlfriend I don’t know about.. happiness. 
  

My journey of being single has been prolonged due to things like this that have made me question if it’s really worth me hanging up my jersey and taking on the cloak of being some guys “Bae” or even his “boo”. 

I’m not writing this to be vindictive , nor am I being petty or irrational. 

I am writing this because I was a victim… of a Single Boyfriend.

Love and Basketball- Minus Basketball. 

A lot of people become very uncomfortable with the topic of love or sex or even relationships. Its almost like the elephant in the room that makes any potentially normal conversation awkward and almost silent. I guess it depends on your friendship group, maybe there are people who can freely express their sexuality and feel content and open about it. –>The ‘Sexually Liberated’…

“Ques- Lets Talk About Sex”

For me Love, Relationship and Sex has always been an area of discomfort and a ‘NO FLEX ZONE’ in my life. I have never really been open within myself and among others about my sexuality or how I feel about love as a whole.

I told myself when considering blogging that I would have to be open to letting parts of myself out that I have often held back. I have to be vulnerable as much as it pains me and let people see the real me. Its hard to expose yourself to such a broad audience and not receive negative backlash or criticism from onlookers and potential subscribers.

At age 19 I got into my first “real” relationship. I call it real because it was the first guy  that I was ever officially dating, exclusively .Growing up as much as I had always liked boys, had boys like me, and wondered how it would feel to have a special someone… I never had a real boyfriend. I guess growing up in a ‘religious’ home kind of did that to you, the thoughts and comments associated with boys and hugging and kissing weren’t Always positive ones. Guys and Girls couldn’t even be left in the same room alone for too long without an assumption that someone did something together.
At age 19 I decided It was time to put my childish views on love aside and allow myself to be someones “girlfriend”, <- whatever that entailed.

I met a guy, a younger guy who happened to spark my interest and make me feel those gassy annoying bubbles in your belly that they associate with love, ya those ones. I don’t know if it was his boyish charm, or maybe it was because he was tall and played a sport.. but something about him drew me in and held me in for a few years.

He made me feel some type of way.

Thinking back now, generations have changed so much over the years it’s almost scary . When I was younger people weren’t getting into anything remotely serious unless they were 17 and up. Now a days I cross a lot is younger 13-15 year old who are already having sex with MULTIPLE partners, smoking, drinking and partying….

A Jamaican mom would say the remedy to make them “Seckel” down would be to ship them off to Jamaica.

Love is such a touchy subject . No puns intended. People always get emotional if a good and bad sense when the topic of love comes up .

The first time I said “I love you” I was 400% sure that I was in love.

I was determined that the feelings I felt, the emotions that blurred my mind and the words of affirmation and affection were love.

They had to be.

I think Girls will do dumb stuff for “love”. They will take certain things from their partner because they “love” them, accept abuse and neglect because they “love” them and even make excuses for their actions because of “love”.

Intimacy adds even more confusion when it comes to “love” and we often believe we are in love once we have become intimate with our significant other.

To me love isn’t really love until it has been tested. Once it has gone through something severe and conquered then to me that is when love is proven.

My relationship was your typical teenage roller-coaster. There were seagulls flocking all around waiting for something to drop so they could devour and intervene. I had girls hating me that I had never met in my life… over a guy. I had fake pages calling me out on social media..over a guy.

Conclusion- Men=Stress.

I wont lie, at first I was one of those bitter girls who took any and every opportunity to bad talk the guys who hurt them in the past. I was so hurt and so damaged that I didn’t even care what I said or how It made me look, I was hurt.

Sorry A….ny-ways.

Love can make or break you.

One thing I  can say is that I am thankful for every relationship that Ive encountered from age 19 until this very moment at age 25. The Men in my life made me stronger, I think. Dating helped me to get to understand men better and allowed me to get to the place I am in my life no, a place where I refuse to settle for second best.

To be Continued… Maybe

The Judgmental Christian

Disclaimer: I consider myself a follower of Christ, a Christian, a believer and any other title you may call me… NOTHING I say is to throw anyone under the bus or single out anyone.

I write this from experience, I write this because like many others I too have been singled out by a “judgmental person”.

Its funny that even though I am what my peers and society may label as a “Christian”. I have had other “Christians” slander my name, talk bad about me openly and even based on the length of my hair, “fleekness” of my makeup and the “oh.no its above the knee”length of my skirt draw their own conclusions on my personal walk with God, sexual orientation and personality.

I am not saying that ONLY Christians judge, NOR am I in any way attacking anyone who self identifies as a believer or a Child Of God..I am merely stating facts based on real life circumstances that have allowed me to draw this conclusion.

Matthew 7:1-5

Judge NOT, that you be not judged. For with judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brothers eye, BUT you do not notice the LOG that is in your own eye? or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye, when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take out the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brothers eye.

John 7:24-ESV

Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.

James 1:26

If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this ones religion is useless.

John 3:17

For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world , but that the world through HIM might be saved.

I could go on and on with biblical references on JUDGING… But I think my point has been taken.

While sitting in service one day the  idea of this post came to mind. I thought about how many times WE  as the body of Christ have ran people out of the Christian faith based on our own personal God-FREE religious judgments. Its interesting to assume that God is speaking to us when we see that “unsaved” sister walk into church, her extensions fiery red, her skirt semi painted onto her flesh and her heels exceeding the 5 inch “holy ghost check” maximum and immediately assume her lifestyle, banking information, SIN card number, baby father number, sexual partners number and the list goes on.

One of the worst possible things that I have encountered in my 25 years on this planet we know as Earth is concluding something preposterous  about someone with little to no information about anything concerning their daily life and personal walk with or without God. I hope I am  not the first or the last to admit that I myself have played the role of the “Judgmental Christian”.

YES. I SAID IT. Shocking?

I have seen people in and out of church and made up in my mind that there was no way that person could have been a Child of God looking the way they did. With my Maxi Denim Skirt, elbow covering sweater and makeup-less face I concluded that anyone who looked a certain way could not be a reflection of Christ.

 

But where did that mindset come from?

I grew up believing that anyone who was not of the Apostolic denomination, wasn’t exactly “saved”. Why I thought this was beyond me but constantly hearing things said about certain people brainwashed me to think that Holiness was in long skirts, natural 4C curly hair and the good old Jamaican Tam that covered your hair not only on Sundays but at the occasional Wednesday Night Service and Youth Service on Fridays. Modesty was preached 24/7 at any and every Conference or Convention I attended. The “Sisters” were ridiculed for wearing their hair a certain way, skirt a certain length and for wearing “too-much” makeup.

Being Holy, or being Christ Like was about my relationship yet I only ever heard stressing on clothes, so you could imagine how that made me think and feel.  I am not saying that being Modest is a bad thing, but when all the focus is on the outer appearance.. where does God come in?

Maybe the snares and looks and comments I received as I got older was my Karma for all the years of being biased and ignorant. Maybe the Jezebel comments and cut eyes were Gods way of humbling me to show me how others may have felt when  I myself turned a blind eye to them.

I would hear about girls who got pregnant at young ages.

I would think to myself how on earth could she even think about Sex?  How as a Christian could she think its okay to let a guy do that to her, with her? I myself planning then that I would have my first REAL kiss when I was married.

( I kissed a few boys in Kindergarten and Grade 1)<- Doesn’t Count !

I was that girl that never gave in to guys comments, never gave in to the requests for dates and refused to let any guy so much as touch my hands too sensually.

God has a sense of humor I tell you.

I didn’t realize how anything could be possible until the rolls were reversed.

NO I HAVE NOT EVER BEEN PREGNANT.

I knew sex before marriage was something I was told not to do since the day I was born. I swear. My parents never had the “birds and the bees” talk with my sister and I but it was something that they indirectly talked about with us. It was something they didn’t have to elaborate on.. we just knew.

That never stopped me though.

And it didn’t stop people from talking about me, from knowing my business and from gossiping about what I did.

“I heard Alicia had sex”

“I heard that at the …. Alicia…. and … were all having sex in the hay stacks”

“I heard Alicia and … did….”

I had done the very thing I looked down on others for doing.

Now I realize that every life lesson makes you stronger and better and wiser. So that dark place in my life helped pave me into the woman I am today. People doubting me, giving up on me and writing me off because of my decisions only made me better and more determined to prove them wrong.

THANK GOD!

 

We have all been guilty of being judgmental, Christian or not. Many have had bad experiences with “church” people which has led them to stray away from churches on a whole or have a misconception of God without fully getting a taste of his essence. I am not preaching at all right now and do not want it to come across as If I am. I’m just a everyday girl who has experienced enough to validate my belief and trust in God.

 

I know how it feels to be looked down upon for not “waiting till marriage”, I know how it feels to have people assume the worst about you just because your skirt may accentuate certain body parts others may lack. I pierced my ears and was called a backslider, took a picture at the beach and had a “prayer meeting” called on my behalf, stood up for myself and been told I am rude and shaved and dyed my hair and been told I am a rebel. I know how it feels to not be someone and have people assume the worst.

Each day I strive to be open minded without losing myself, to give others a chance and not conclude without knowledge. As Followers of Christ we stress the small stuff, linger on the things that can be changed and write off people before even giving them a chance. God called us to love, he called us as the “church” to be forgiving, loving, honest and truthful. Kill them with kindness. Who are we to judge? We did NOT die for their sins, we are not God. And no I am not about to use the “Only God can Judge Me” line, I am just saying that unless we purpose in our heart to either help the people who need it the most then we have no rights to talk about them.Sometimes God sends the people you LEAST expect to have the most powerful and life changing impacts on us.

In the Bible God used some of the most unique and unexpected people to deliver messages, preach his word and spread the Love of Jesus. Be careful who you look down on.

Ive been typing for way too long and I want you guys to come back and read more of my posts so I am about to Shut up. But before I log off and finish watching Spider-Man ( 1994 Cartoon Version)…

God is Amazing and I am thankful that everyday is a new journey for me,I’m striving daily to make God happy with my life, as hard as it may be. I am not perfect, there are moments I fall and cry but I make it my mission to get back up again and try again.

Don’t be like me.I was once, The Judgemental Christian.

 

Self Realization or Something Like That 

I realize that for myself I do things spontaneously when I feel empty. 

Example:

Cut my hair 

Dye my hair 

Start a blog

Start a VLOG

When I feel like something is missing or that I feel alone or scared I try to fill the emptyness inside of me by doing things deemed spontaneous to everyone around me . 

When I launched my business ventures over the last few years they were always around times when I was going “through it”, times when I needed a distraction from the stresses of life and an escape route to happiness. 

Each and every venture I’ve embarked on has been one to help me help myself . Unknowingly I have done different things to myself, and in my life in hopes of saving myself from myself . 

Okay that may come across confusing so I will explain it. 

At my weak moments, because I am human and do have moments where I feel weak and tired and frustrated, I do a variety of things to appease my feelings and assure myself that I will be okay . 

I’ve done things I’ve regretted, made choices that I now look back on shake my head and wonder what on earth made me do something so stupid. 

…Acted up on “worldly” desires, a pastor would say. Things that weren’t necessarily fulfilling to my mental capacity but fulfilling to my flesh and emotions.

I have played the fool.

I never realized that all this time that missing piece to my puzzle was in God. 

My incompletion was a result of my lack of faith and commitment to him. 

While I was so busy searching for what I thought I needed in every which direction I forgot to look up, to seek God and ask HIM to fill the void that I felt in my life. 

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.